Saturday musings...mostly on weddings

What with my low thryroid and often staying up late and such I confess I'm rarely out of bed by 7-8 in the morning, but what with my stuffy head getting me up at unusual hours I get to see a very golden morning light streaming across the river and through the trees. You can't actually see the river from my patio in the springtime, but there's a lovely mist coming up the banks which, having caught the rising sun, looks like a veritable blanket of sunbeams. It's all yellows and greens and misty greys out there, and it's very lovely. Makes me wish I'd gotten out of bed when I first woke up. You know how it is though when you have a cold that wakes you up. First you toss and turn a bit, then you lie there and debate getting up, then you drift off for about 5mins, then you toss and turn some more, stare at your adorable sleeping husband, and finally decide that if you're going to be awake you might as well go into the living room. So here I am. I rather wish I was getting ready to help with Katy's wedding reception. Her mom helped us out quite a bit with our wedding, and when I heard Katy was getting married I was so eager to help her out in return. Unfortunately I got sick Monday night, and instead of helping out I'm blowing my nose and blogging. Sick people aren't exactly encouraged to sneeze all over the wedding feast. I'm feeling somewhat better at least today. Maybe I can get through the wedding without looking like a flu case. I still wanted to help out though...I couldn't even go yesterday and help set up like I wanted to.

It's funny to think about another young woman getting up and getting to the church early and trying to get her hair done and her dress just right before they're supposed to shoot pictures. Then waiting in the bride's room for what seems like years until you finally get to go the foyer and wait another age before you get to walk down the aisle to the one man in the whole world. I will add that at that point amnesia pretty much sets in. I didn't hear hardly a single note of the music I'd picked and which the organist had specifically learned/arranged for me. One of the elders of my church gave me away, and now he has a tiny daughter of his own. Sort of a dress rehearsal for the real thing only 20 odd years early. We must have looked and odd couple. Waiting at the church for long made me tend towards the hyper while Allen was just the opposite and tended towards solemn. Still, it's interesting to think that so many memories just like mine and yet not all like mine being made today by a young woman going through many of the same motions I did over a year and a half ago. I guess the thing that started me thinking about it was waking up and looking over at Allen and thinking about Katy waking up alone today but not waking up alone tomorrow. It's one of those weird mysteries of marriage. And you know. It just feels different. Riding in the car to Atlanta after the wedding. It was just Allen and I riding in the car like we had so many times before, but it was like nothing I had ever done before. I knew the Allen I'd dated. I wasn't really sure I knew this oddly silent man I'd just married. In a weird way it would have been a relief to forget we were married and just talk or be silent together easily as we had so often before. It was ok by the next morning though. Marriage seemed a bit more normal after we woke up, and it was fun to count the hours. Of course it felt like it stuck out all over us that we were newly-weds. The jam-packed, bedaubed car may have had something to do with that though. There wasn't hardly a spare inch anywhere in that car. What with packing for the honeymoon and all the last minute stuff that car was a sight to send valets running for the parking garage. It's funny. A wedding is one of those things where you just have to jump in wherever you are. If you're parents are driving you nuts (or breaking your heart). If you're stressed. If you're scared of sex. You just have to jump in there where you are and start paddling. It's easy for me to have regrets about things. I could have been a little more hands on in some parts. I wish things with my parents had gone differently. I wish I'd had a better foundation for approaching sex. But...I didn't. And what matters now? We're married, and I have grown more than I ever thought possible. I'm starting to learn that you really do have to start with what you're given and go from there. We all have our own starting places that really have very little do with how good we are or what we earned or what we did or didn't do and everything to do with the places in which God has put us. It's super easy to have regrets, but it's not actually all that much fun. It's more fun to like the life you live than to want to be living someone else's.

According to Allen...

...this is me. I suppose I'm currently recharging from this weekend.


see more crazy cat pics

Grrr

Tonight I'm taking a page from Trina and enjoying lots of Pau D'arco tea with ginger and honey. And echinacea. Somehow I've come down with something. My energy levels have been pretty high the past week or so. I think all the things I've been doing to help my thyroid are working, but today I've just been dragging. Twelve hours of sleep last night, and I still spent most of today on the couch reading. Supper got made, but that's about it. Also, it's rather dangerous for me to be seasoning soup when I've got something of a cold. The curry soup ended up with quite a lot of ginger in it. Good stuff if you like ginger though maybe a bit strong for Allen's tastes. At least the place got cleaned up for Monday. So long as I get around to folding the laundry I think we'll be fine.

Flylady strikes again

So I'm sitting in church looking for something in my purse while our assistant pastor is going through the announcements. By the time he's finished I've stashed all my various hair bands and bobby pins in their little pouch, tucked the lipgloss back into its pocket, stashed some trash paper in my pocket for disposal later and in general reorganized and tidied up my purse all in about 90 seconds. I also found my pen. Regardless of the state of my bedroom I'm claiming this bit of impromptu organization as a good sign.

blog stuff

So I said on the sidebar that I have a GAIM account as Natalieblogs. I did/do. Problem is that I can't be on my main GAIM account and that one at the same time. For that reason I now have an AIM account as Natalieblogs. If you wonder why I put that on there and you never see me around, now you know. You can still e-mail me at the gmail address. It forwards to my main account. Hope to hear from you soon!

The Strength of Humans and the Terrible Grace of God

I am constantly amazed at what humans can withstand. I'm not even talking about people in Africa who've had their entire families destroyed. That's too big for me to even think about. I'm talking about people we go to church with and pass on the street. The amount of pain that some of these people have gone through is enough to make you ill just thinking about it. Going through it...some of these people I can't even imagine how they are walking around right now. I thought I'd been through some pain. Well, I have been through some painful stuff. But...pain on that level. I don't know what I want to say about this really. People hurting though. It's really scary. Think about. As a Christian I have to say that God loves this hurting person just as much as He loves me, and there is nothing standing between me and pain like that than God's mysterious will. I'm not here because I'm better. She's not there because God loves her less. If God wanted it, I could be in her shoes next week or next year. I haven't earned any exemptions from pain any more than anyone else has earned their pain. That is the terrible grace of God, and honestly, but for the grace of God I don't see how any of us could withstand His grace. God is good, but He is not always gentle. It's hard learning about both of these. When we're mad at God we want Him to be a monster so we can feel justified in hating Him. We don't want to say "I hate you" and hear in return "I love more than my own life. I will never leave you. I am constantly seeking you own best." What do you do when the one you want to hate most refused to play your games with you? If Allen is any indication...eventually you fall in love. Allen has taught me more about God's love than any person alive today. When I was screaming mad, hating myself and him too, he just held me and loved me until I pretty much gave up. It's really hard to hate in a perpetual onslaught of love. Of course sometimes the love makes it harder. Once we really come to terms with God's love we break our hearts again that a loving father has hurt us so badly. We want to run and hide until our father makes the pain go away, but our only refuge is in the loving arms through which all our deepest sorrows come. I really don't know how we do it. I certainly don't have enough faith to bless God in my darkest hours. That's something He'll have to do in me if He wants to hear it. I'm not being rebellious or flippant here. It's really something I don't think I have the strength to do apart from His grace. I suppose it's times like these when heaven seems only too far away. I suppose life is sort of like skinning your knee at the end of the driveway and waiting for your dad to come pick you up and carry you into where everything will be made better with Snoopy bandaids and fresh lemonaid. Life isn't just that, but I don't think it's less than that. All of us wounded and waiting for the place where all our tears will be washed away forever by Christ's love. It's like that hymn we sing at church:

1. Ten thousand times ten thousand,
In sparkling raiment bright,
The armies of the ransomed saints
Throng up the steeps of light.
'Tis finished, all is finished,
Their fight with death and sin;
Fling open wide the golden gates
And let the victors in.

2. What rush of alleluias
Fills all the earth and sky!
What ringing of a thousand harps
Proclaims the triumph nigh!
O day, for which creation
And all its tribes were made;
O joy, for all its former woes
A thousandfold repaid!

3. Oh, then what raptured greetings
On Canaan's happy shore;
What knitting severed friendships up
Where partings are no more!
Then eyes with joy shall sparkle
That brimmed with tears of late;
Orphans no longer fatherless
Nor widows desolate.

Someday we will arrive inside the terrible grace of God and find nothing to fear -only grace and love.

Btw, Dad, if you're out there somewhere. I miss you.

Beatles v Allman Brothers

Sorry, Elisa, the Allman Brothers are winning.




Blackbird was pretty cool though.

Why won't clean things stay clean????

Ok, so we clean up the back bedroom. Then we fold laundry in there. Therefore the back bedroom is no longer clean. But our bedroom is so not clean that we didn't want to do laundry back there. Then there's the living room. It too was clean, but yesterday contained a lot of blogging, scriptwriting, and dancing which meant that nothing got too cleaned up. Ok, so the kitchen got cleaned. That kitchen is always getting cleaned. It's ridiculous how much cleaning that kitchen can take and when I'm not even cooking no less. So it's blog, clean, scriptwriting, cook, think about sewing, look up swing shoes on the internet, get distracting learning about random kings of England, dance, think about sewing some more, run errands, blog about all the aforementioned...It's a crazy cycle. I've actually been doing pretty well. My energy levels have been good, but Allen has also pretty much been letting me sleep at late as I want due to a combination of me running around and us staying up too late a few times this week. It's awesome, but it also means that my window of opportunity (so to speak) is rather smaller than average. I suppose I need to just stop blogging about all this and just get a shower and get some of it done. I do confess though that it's just a wee tad frustrating.

Ok! Things I want to tackle today.

Kitchen cabinet.
Living room
Play Script
Cushion covers
Sending Carla that stuff I said I'd send her days ago.
Fix supper
Meet Elisa for more scripting

If I get brave....the bedroom.

Lindy +Youtube=why I'm still sitting on my couch

The stuff is seriously addicting. I watch it and watch it until I'm exhausted just from watching and hearing the music. It's wonderful. However, I have a clean sewing area, and I fully intend to take advantage of it. First though, a few script notes.

Flylady and Chaos or why I'm so proud of us

In the Flylady system chaos stands for "can't have anyone over syndrome." It's so true. There were times my mother-in-law would say she's dropping by, and I would completely panick even though she's the last person in the world to judge a person by their surroundings. But I did. I panicked, and then I panicked some more because things just weren't within 15 (or even 30) minutes of presentable. But praise be to God things are so much better than they were. For instance, we had a couple over last night. The husband is considering a career change, and Allen was sort of giving him an intro to programming just so he doesn't start on a college course and decide he's not interested. This is the sort of the thing that as a wife I'm really interested in helping Allen do -minister to other people using his strong points. Problem. The computer is in the back bedroom which also doubles as a sewing room and general stashing place. He and I both had been doing some work on it to get papers filed and things put away in the closet. Unfortunately the place was still an absolute wreck. I almost didn't know where to start. But...they were coming over. It really needed to be at least some better. WE GOT THE WHOLE ROOM CLEAN in about 30min. I was so proud of us. I honestly didn't think we could do, but apparently all our other bits of work had gotten us to the point where shuttling things away in the closet (mostly neatly) and throwing away the trash was all that remained. It was so incredibly freeing to see that huge expanse of vacuumed, decluttered floor. It makes me want to go clean out my freezer now.

Anyway, I'm not a model flybaby by any means, but she's right. Baby steps. You can do anything for 15min. Just start where you are, and you'll be surprised how far you can go.

Green eyed and hating it

Ergh! I hate, hate, hate jealousy. It's stupid and destructive and abso-freaking-lutely drives me up the wall. I stil get jealous. The craziest part is that I get jealous of people when I would never in a million years actually want to switch places with them. I'm jealous of who people who are close to their sisters, who's fathers are giving them away instead of watching from a back row, who have backyards. I want their funny houses and vacations and rosemary bushes and best friends, but I don't want to give up any of my neat stuff. I want my Allen and my green sofa and my cast iron pots. I want my books and my interests. I still want your stuff too. Is that pathetic or what? If I'm jealous of other people's lives maybe I should just get up off my sorry rear and make something of my own? Maybe I should think about that one a little harder? Gosh. It's pathetic. I'm most jealous of community though. For years growing up I heard comments: "you're so sweet," "you're so smart," "you inspire me," "I enjoy watching you." All of which were accompanied by various hugs and head nodding gestures meant to convey warmth and sincerity. I can literally count on one hand the number of times that actually turned in a friendship of any kind. Actually take away half my fingers on one hand, and I still think I could do it. Yeah, major pity party. Whatever. I'm tired of being treated as wall art!!! I'm not around to passively decorate your personal world. Jeesh. Put up or shut up here.* I want to have a decently large network of friends who look after each other and care for each other. I just don't know how to make it work.

Ok, I confess. I'm self-centered. Also, I grew up talking more to adults than to peers. With adults you just talked about yourself, and they were happy. With peers (who now happen to be adults) it's a little different. They don't just want to hear about me. I know this. And how many times do I completely miss the cue to ask about their life? Tons. It's embarrasing. I know I do it so much, and I don't know how to stop. I'm just not one of those people who can get inside your life story in ten minutes. I don't know how to do. I want to care about people and laugh and suffer with them, but I'm such a self-centered, messed up bundle of insecurities that I tend to bungle it a lot. Try not to hold it against me. If possible be my friend.

Ok, angsted out. I really do have a wonderful life in many ways. I have some good friends whom I look forward to getting to know better. I just needed to get some of that out. If anyone is reading this who I know personally...I promise not be whiny and pathetic just because you were invited to Freddy Foobar's birthday party and I wasn't. I may however blog about it :D


*This does not apply to anyone to whom I haven't made previous overtures. If I owe you an e-mail, send me a mirror, and I'll lecture myself for a while. If you knew me in highschool or even possibly college this probably completely applies. Not that I'm carrying specific grudges. It just got old quickly.

Culture shock of a peculiar kind

Last week was a little bit nuts for me. I had something (occasionally multiple things) going everyday, and I forget that my energy levels can still be pretty unpredictable. When I'm up I'm soaring, want to get everything done, trucking out to Home Depot for some plants I absolutely had to go buy that day, but then when I get home, beautiful portulacas in tow, I look around and say, "oh, dishes, bedroom, why did I spend all that energy running around?" Duh, it's more fun to pick out spring annuals than to hang up yesterday's laundry. The week concluded with a lovely lingerie shower for a very dear girl who's getting married in under two weeks. I don't know her very well, but her whole family are good friends with Allen's family. The mom actually did a lot to help with our wedding back in August 2006 and is one of the sweetest ladies I know. However, therein lies my culture shock. If you don't want to read plain musings on feminine sexuality then I suggest you stop right here 'cause that's what the rest of this post is going to be about...

Let me start of with an observation that struck me deeply. When Katy started opening her boxes and bags I made the joking remark "let's see if there's anything in there that will make her blush." By the end of the shower I felt I had been pretty ignorant to say anything of the kind. Lacy, tiny, sheer, black, white, short. As her grandmother put it, "some of those aren't for sleeping." Katy opened everything with undiguised pleasure and amusement -occasionally commenting how her fiancee had been quite excited to hear about this shower and how he must want to be a fly on the wall. Blenders and tupperware are all well in good in their place, but guys don't get married for a matching set of china. The real hitting point for me was when she opened up a gift from her grandmother. Apparently the two of them had gone shopping previously, and the gift Katy was opening represented her grandmother's final selection from among the various trifles they had perused together. I will add that this wise young wife-to-be admitted feeling a tad weird at first shopping thusly with her grandmother, but I don't think it lasted long because she pulled out a sheer, dainty confection that told me something about how Katy got be that radiant, joyful waiting bride exulting over her feminine finery. I looked around. Katy, her mom, her grandmother. I began to see that my remark earlier had only shown how far I still had to go because I began to see (as I should have known) that there was absolutely nothing there that should/would have made her blush. It was like my mother-in-law told me once when we went to pick lingerie for me "I'm a wife, and you're about to become one. It's ok." There's nothing to be ashamed of here. Sex is one of the blessings (and duties) of marriage, and children (daughters) should be made to understand not only the probibitions against it's misuse but also the vast pleasures that await its lawful use. Unfortunately there are some many moms who don't think that way. Katy's mother and grandmother were obviously eager too see she had everything she needed for her marriage, and part of that meant nice lingerie. To me it spoke volumes of the wisdom of that family in preparing each sucessive generation for the vast mystery of sex. There. Bluntly said. All of us women there, married and single alike, had come to celebrate the marriage bed and the joyous lovemaking that should occur there. In preparing herself for her husband she had everything to exult over and no reason to blush. Neither did she have any reason for bravado. The marriage bed isn't a dare. It's honorable, and there's no more reason to swagger over having been there (or expecting to be there) than there is to swagger over driving within your own lane. Unfortunately for me I never got that sort gut level understanding of marriage, and some of my shrinking before marriage turned into a sense of bravado afterwards which, like the shrinking, is centered around the idea that there is something either to shrink from or to dare. And the shivering center of that idea is shame. I've felt this sentiment myself and heard it echoed in others -lawful embraces make me feel something of a slut. Good girls aren't interested in such things. The fast one's are. If I really enjoy the physical pleasure of my husband's embraces it must mean that I really have something of the slut about me. But of course it's the opposite. It's the fast women who are aping the true pleasures of marriage and not the other way around. Unfortunately too many dear women have gotten it all wrong, and are teaching their children (especially their daughters) all wrong, which then starts another marriage off wrong...Praise God I had the sense to seek counsel and had some good friends who were able to point me in the direction of true peace and happiness. Praise God as well that He's brought me so far from where I was. Still...a group of women, some in mom's generation or older, naturally and joyously heralding another woman's journey into wifehood...I found it startling and beautiful. I began to grasp things about genteel, feminine womanhood I'd never realized before. Mostly, though, it challenged my ideas about mothers.

coffee v tequila and the joys of Script Frenzy

You know there are some times when I'm not sure which one is more potent. Tonight I went and script frenzied at Starbucks with Elisa and Carla (and O.Z.) and (thanks Cal) enjoyed a free peppermint mocha. Whew! I was ok driving home, but now my head is nigh unto spinning. I feel like I've been sipping rum or tequila instead of creamy, sugared, sorta kinda coffee. I'm starting to remember why I don't drink coffee on a regular basis. It can seriously makes me tipsy. There was one time in Knoxville during a writing center staff meeting that I really did start acting drunk. I started laughing more and talking louder. Embarrassing. Afterwards I stayed away from coffee at meetings and stuck with hot chocolate or tea. Anyway, I just thought this was curious.

On another note, I am officially an amateur playwright! I'm currently working on the second act of my opus debutus in which we meet Esme (fairy-godmother in training), Amaris (protagonist), Lord Henric (Amaris's father), and Lady Ileana (her mother). We also receive hints that this whole "invite the fairy-godmother to the christening thing" isn't as straightforward as it appears. To be continued.

A rather more cheerful update

So I ended up being stressed because I was running late and hadn't finished when people started arriving, but in the end things turned out really well. My mother-in-law brought carrot cake and bean did, and I had pecan pie and cut up apples and oranges, and so we made a regular little feast of things. It helped that I didn't have time to eat my supper before folks arrived. I was chowing down on some bean dip. That stuff was good. It's refreshing being with other people. I'm still sort of looking for that kindred spirit (as I have been practically my whole life) to hang out with and share girl talk, but just plain being with people is good too.

Speaking of people, last night I went to the local kickoff for Script Frenzy. Talk about walking in over my head. Abby Road and Fight Club and dialogue driven plots about the modern life...I can honestly say that the Beatles (although I certainly don't dislike their music) don't appear anywhere on my pandora stations. I listen to bands that are so unknown (like Carbon Leaf and Great Big Sea) that they aren't even cool unknown clique bands. They're just bands no one knows about but me and maybe two other people that I know personally (all in my family). Plus, I must unashamedly admit that I'm writing a stage play about a fairy tale. I'm such an authentic po-mo. So tomorrow it's laptops and coffee to kick off the official "you may start typing...NOW!" beginning of script frenzy. And I'm going to be again hanging out with pretty cool people who's cultural overlap with me is maybe 50-75% and the other 50-25% is all gibberish to me. Of course I'm sure there's a lot I would say that sounds like gibberish to some of them. It's the way life goes. But out of all of the neighborhoods around me I end up with this group. Should be educational. I really want to see what comes out of this.

Birthday cheers, birthday angst

Today is Allen's birthday! Since we normally have health community group on Monday anyway we're going to turn it in to a regular shindig with all sorts of good eats. Healthy eats of course but still very yummy. I'm going to pop a pecan pie in the oven as soon as I finish this post.

I want to be all upbeat and everything for Allen's birthday, but unfortunately when I think about Allen getting another year older I start thinking "Ok God, how many more birthdays before I can watch Allen playing with his own kids." Face, the guy is a kid magnet. He's probably dangled half the little boys at our church by their knees at least once. He's really, really good with kids, and he likes them. So why does God slap him with a woman who doesn't seem altogether good at getting/keeping a pregnancy going? Yes, I do know I can't blame myself over any of this. God knows I don't want to be pathetic and mope around just because I can't have this one thing I want (or this one thing I know Allen wants). Also, no Allen isn't a whiner either, and he's certainly not pressuring me. It's just...I don't have an advanced degree, or a career, or a child. Long ago I traded my desires for academic superstardom for more domestic dreams. So now, Allen's turning 27, his brother is graduating, everyone's lives are moving one, and I'm stuck here between a past desire and an unfullfilled want wondering just where the heck I fit into this crazy picture. Right now I better fit into by getting things cleaned up real quick for tonight. Jeesh, why of why can't I do this stuff earlier? Oh yeah, existential google searching. Also I got an antique rocker from freecycle. Pretty sweet, but I really didn't need to go out this afternoon when I had floors to vacuum.

Anyway, happy birthday Allen. I love you to bits, and I'm super proud of the way you've been growing and becoming an even more amazing man than the one I loved enough say yes. I'm just struggling to accept that the one thing I would most like to give you for a birthday gift isn't mine to give.

two bikes and a kayak short of perfect

I turned off the main road, rolled down the windows, cranked the stereo, and fell in love. This car's suspension consists of half a dozen bungy cords and a pack of used chewing gum, but I don't care. With the sunroof open and the windows down, this car was made for backroads, beach trips, and bike racks. It makes me want to move to the coast just so I can drive down the road and smell the sweet ocean breezes. Barring that, I can't wait to take it to Jekyll Island later this spring. It feels more like a jeep than an suburban mom suv. Just getting in the car makes you want to go somewhere (other than soccer practice -those mommy suv's probably have directions to the local PTA preprogrammmed). Even better, it gets honda gas mileage. I drove it down to my in-law's and back and that needle didn't even budge. These things are even supposed to get better gas mileage than our old accord. It's fun; it's thrifty. I love it, and I want to take it on adventures.

An unjobby job

I recently started "working" for one of those query places where people send in questions either from their computer or their cell phone and wait impatiently for answers they were too impatient to look up on their own. Ok, so maybe you really need the number of that chinese place just down the street from city hall, but you happen to be at your laundrymat. I understand. The funny thing is that doing it is actually kind of fun. I haven't really wanted to get a real job. For one thing Allen is content to have me at home. For another thing my days are fairly unpredicable still as to how much up and arounding I really want to do. For a third thing every part time job I've checked out has pretty bad hours. Allen comes first. Period. That means being at home at a reasonable time to fix supper and not filling up my weekends at the whim of some boss. And....well...I have to put this place first. If I were all up to date (or reasonably so) on my duties here and had things running fairly smoothly then I might be more interested in working at a real job somewhere. For now though this is fun. The part that get's me excited is thinking that I may be able to earn a little to cover some of my fun stuff -camping and sewing and the like. That's really all I wanted a job for anyway. Allen makes plenty to keep me happy. Every now and again though, it's just nice to have some mad money. If it's there, play with it. If it's not, you're not missing anything very important.

And if you're curious where I'm tapping out text message sized squash casserole recipes it's ChaCha.

My Car!!!

They called. My new car is almost here. Allen's gone up the street to meet the man so's he doesn't get lost trying to find our apartment. Squee!

Capitalism v the Devil and God's redemption

There's quite a few people who seem that capitalism should go to the devil as a foal should return to her mare. Those people need to quite honestly get a clue. Ok, if you want to define capitalism as that hulking monstrosity of big business and government regulations that walks around purporting to be capitalism then maybe you have a point -albeit a point with its definitions mixed up. There are plenty of evils that occur under (and quite likely are exaggerated by) the current economic system, but to denounce the free market system because of the farce currently occurring....it's simple minded at best. I can't write an economic treatis on the stuff. I'm not that skilled. What I do know though is that there are really only two directions you can take this. You can increase the regulations and restrictions or you can decrease them. It's darn certain that the former won't work. You end up with socialism and communism and the mess that is the former Soviet Union. No one could say that was an unmitigated success. Yeah, argue that wasn't real socialcommunism. Whatever. The mechanics of it don't work no matter what you try to call it. The other alternative is to stop letting the bureaucrats sit pulling the strings (all hauling the money in towards them) and see what happens when business actually start working together without a jillion gov agents fouling up the works. Instead of letting the gov redistribute all the money (and taking plenty off the top) wouldn't it be something if we actually got to decide how to use our money? No more tax money going to Planned Parenthood and condoms for 12 year olds. More money going to the widows and orphans living in our own communities. More money for us to share with each other period whether that be furniture and food for a family who've lost everything or a bottle of red passed around a room filled with shared experience and the glow of community.

Writing about this makes me wish I'd read more about the Old Testament laws. When God was laying down His laws and rules concerning the way His people would live, He laid out an entire economic system. In a way the point isn't whether capitalism or socialism or whatever is a better, more just way to structure society. God has given us plenty of principles in His word about the way we should order our lives -economy included. We just need to stop arguing about our systems long enough to really try and understand what God wants of us. Now, that doesn't mean that I'm not staunchly on the side of free markets. I am, and I think that it's more in line with God's way than various other schemes. However, even though I think my way is right I recognize that God's redemption is necessary in all areas of our lives. Even the "right" thing can be done in a way that dishonors God. And most of all I need to remember that even Christians with "stupid" ideas about economics are still fellow workers in the vineyard and that I should -must- esteem them as co-heirs with Christ. I don't have to pretend to agree with them on everything, but I must never ever lose sight of our common goal and our common destination.

computers change everything

So I've been trying to do some daily decluttering. Today I decluttered.......my bookmarks???? And lest you think I'm talking about cleaning out my Bible or my night stand let me assure that I'm talking about my humongeous list of internet bookmarks. I actually got a feeling of accomplishment from sorting out all (most) of my bookmarks into catagories and seeing my bookmark list turn into something resembling a well ordered closet and not the clutter box skulking under my coffee table. I suppose really it's just a habit. If I can be neat and organized with my online/computer spaces then maybe those attitudes will carry over into my actual living spaces. Or maybe visa versa? Maybe I'm getting more clutter conscious in my living spaces and carrying that over? I dunno. I'm just waiting for the day when I point at young child busily occupied with hacking into Google and say "I told you no playing until you've cleaned off your desktop! I want to see some folders being created now!"

Yeah, never gonna happen. Makes you think though.

More 15min miracles

Although I'm really not a strict flybaby, I do find inspiration in her missions and philosophy. Today Allen and I were looking for a thumb drive he needed for work. We looked everywhere (and eventually found it in the first place he looked and still managed to overlook), but during the looking process we came to The Desk. The place where every single paper gets tossed when there's not an immediately better place to put it (and occasionally when there is). So we started quickly tossing things into piles. Bank statements here. Insurance there. A third pile for tax documents. Since I'd already bought the file folders and a box for filing, it was the work of a minute to lable, stuff, and file the small sorted piles of paper. We didn't find the thumb driver there, but within 15min at least three quarters of the desk had been cleared of debris. It really does work. Start where you are, and just go at it for 10-15 minutes. Set a timer if you need to. It makes a huge difference.

Wedding!!!!

We went to a St Paddy's Day wedding today. It was so cute, and they looked to happy together. The whole wedding (guests and all) was small enough to squeeze into a photograph together. It was very refreshing in a way to be part of such a simple little ceremony. I got the sense that they really did care more about being together than throwing a huge party. They were so cute. The groom had this huge goofy grin on his face the whole time, and his bride seems perpetually between a blush and a giggle. I hope they will be very happy together and share many laughs.

More unique finds

My last sojourn to the thrift store snagged a neat little vintage sewing stool -full of vintage thread and various other notions! It's so neat. It's just like a piano bench except not as wide. And I love the storage niche inside it. Love love. Inside it I also found a box of the queerest looking Singer feet. I really am going to have to post pictures of them just in the hopes some kind soul will tell me what they are. Unfortunately my machine has a different shank and can't take them no matter how exciting and useful they may turn out to be. The stool itself is in very good shape though badly in need of recovering (with a touch of padding this time -oof!) Fortunately the wood isn't very beat up and really just needs a good oiling to look quite respectable. Squee!

Sweet little bag giveaway

No, not mine. Olivia Joy over at All that is Good has whipped up some fabulousness that she's kindly decided to give away to her (their) faithful readers. Check it out (link above) and then put your own link in -you get more chances in the drawing if you do. :D

community

Today I got to go spend some time with some very lovely people who either go to or are associated with my church. Some are people who've prayed with me or stood in line with me to partake of our family meal. Others I can't recall ever seeing before. Either way it was wonderful to once again sit on a couch conversing with people who like me are bound to one Lord, one church, one community. The past few months I've played the recluse rather too much, but hopefully this afternoon marks the beginning of my journey towards a fuller, richer communion with those around me. Husbands are wonderful creatures, but they aren't very good at girly giggles.

What does "authentic" mean?

That word has been stalking me through dark alleys this week. First it's in our pastor's sermon. Then it starts popping out of doorways as I walk past. It's a word that's worth some thought though. I think our pastor put it well when he said that authentic people are people who know who they are. An authentic person isn't easily threatened by other people's difference or overly concerned what other people think. They are secure enough to not need a whole bunch of people who look like them in order to validate who they are, but somehow I'm not so sure that's how the word is always used. Can you be authentic if you wear a vintage style jeans from Kohls instead of trying on six million pairs of jeans at the thrift store (should you be lucky enough to live near one)? The impression I get is no. Here's another thing I don't get. It's cool to wear old t-shirts from highschools on the other side of the country or places you haven't the faintest desire to see (correct me if I'm wrong -I'm so not down or up or diagonal on cool. Never really was), but when I wear my old Carlsbad Cavern tshirt (a place I've actually been to twice) I don't even feel remotely cool. It's authentic in a way. Been there, done that, bought the shirt. Am I cool and don't know it? Hmmmm. This is getting sidetracked. I didn't really want to talk about shirts.

It's just that there are some people who sweat authentic(TM) -mostly philosophy/art majors and the people who hang out with them. They read books like Blue Like Jazz and know how to make pop culture references. I read Blue Like Jazz but way after everyone else did, and I can't say that it radically changed the way I think about Christianity. Putting the Amazing Back into Grace and Evangelism and the Soveriegnty of God did that for me, but they're just good books and aren't "on the cutting edge of a post-modern Christian culture" or whatever gritty Christian books are supposed to be. Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking the book. It's really good for us to examine our assumptions from time to time and have our eyes opened to our blind spots. I guess the question I want to ask is this: Can the housewife that I am (with all that I am) ever be authentic? According to our pastor's definition I'd say absolutely see you when I get there. Culturally I'm not to sure. I don't even know if I could do that with the "authentic" Christians -some of whom I'd like to question as to whether they are really authentic, genuine people comfortable in their skins or whether they (like so many of us) have merely found another group with a more palatable brand of patter to validate their cultural preferences. I'm betting there's a few, and if anyone says otherwise I just might point and laugh (unless that's not an authentic thing to do). For those of you who just happen to be really awesomely authentic people who love shopping at Goodwill and aren't threatened by someone who buys knock-off vintage off the discount rack at Kohl's, I say wait up and give me a chance. I want to be comfortable enough with my non beer drinking, thrift store shopping, housewifely awesome, scatterbrained self to really meet you face to face. It's slow, but I'm getting there.

When you think about it, for Christian, the one thing that's deeper than anything is the reality of God's love for us. We can be authentic about how sinful we are, because it's just so amazingly obvious that we contintually are failing God, hurting others, neglecting our duties, and generally makes a collosal mess. That's sort of 2am theology for me sometimes. I think the harder thing for us to be real about is the amazing blessed abundance of God's love. I know I certainly can't hardly grasp it in more than a general "I affirm what the Bible says way." But I sincerely think that's the best way to be really, really real.I don't want my sin to be realer than God's love. I want my authenticity to be flavored more by a blissful realization of God's love than by a haunting feeling of my own inadaquacy. Of course to understand God's love is to understand the price He paid to bring us into fellowship with Him. I don't plan to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Ideally the two would be in perfect balance, each informing and moderating the other, but if I err let me err on the side of love.

Doing the healthy whole grain dance

Thoughts of food reminded me -I am now allowed two pieces of whole grain bread twice a week. I am so psyched. Big Sky bread here I come!!! Hmmmm, what to have first? Grilled cheese or buttered toast? Oh decisions decisions. I loves them both so good. I have been doing the gluten free thing for so long....(still will largely so as not to strain anything).

Scriptwriting??????

Darn you Elisa, if I hadn't read your blog I wouldn't have heard about Script Frenzy, and if I hadn't heard about Script Frenzy I wouldn't be contemplating its sheer insanity. I live a sheltered, safe little life (ok so I've been to the Grand Canyon twice -you know what I mean) and like it. I've never gone out with the girls for unnaturally colored rum laced drinks or lived in a tent on a hill or even lived in a college dorm. Although I love stories my natural bent is contemplative not plot driven. Which, darn you again Elisa may yours days be long as the Nile, gives me an idea for a story, but even that idea is all emotion and no plot. However that is exactly why I need to try something like this. Even many of of my contemplations never make it out of my head 'cause I'd rather keep them there than see them spoilt by the clumsy application of words. The painful perfectionist in me is due for one heck of a kicking. Speaking of due -I have an appointment with some new habits.

P.S. Elisa I really do love you. Right now you're just the stick that's poking me in the back urging me to stop living such a stuffy existence. I love you for it, but inertia is a hard habit to overcome sometimes.

P.P.S. I am such a scatterbrain. I'm working on one project. An idea for another one comes along, and I want to jump ship. Hence the never getting things done part of my life. My life as an impulsive, wanna be artistic, scatterbrain.

More on being tired

My mother-in-law got her shingle in the mail. She got her naturapathic doctor diploma. It's amazing the knowledge and wisdom she has amassed during this whole process. She was no sneeze before she started on this, but that woman knows health sideways and diagonal and even straight up and down. She's still learning knew stuff all the time. Today we learned a few things about me as well. On top of a few other things it looks like I'm trying to shake an epstein-barr virus. Mono and chronic fatigue syndrome are epstein-barr related -hence an easily tired Natalie. Maybe this would be a good time to learn how to rest withouth feeling guilty over all the stuff I "should" be doing. lol It's either that or drive myself nuts, and why should I do that to myself when Allen will gladly drive me there any day of the week? jk. Allen is a dear. He also makes dumb jokes. Dumb jokes are contageous.

wedding projects

I'm working on a wedding project at present. It's coming along, but since I'm having to learn my image editing as I go it's taking me a bit longer than it strictly has to. I'm doing something (almost) completely new for me, and it's really quite interesting seeing it all come together. I'll try to take a few pictures (so I can feel bad about not uploading them :D ) before I hand it off. Speaking of which my hand-off date is fast approaching, so I better get back to it. Erk, and today's one of my long days. I really better get to it.

Shoes aren't footly salvation

So I'm still getting all those flylady e-mails, and did I mention that she has a thing about shoes? As a psychological gimmick to convince my brain it's work time I don't mind it. I don't do it, but if that's what cleans your counters then yea you for doing it. What does drive me nuts are the number of testimonials concerning someone's poor pitiful feet and how things would have just been peachy if they'd been wearing shoes all the time. If you've got cracked heels and spurs and pains in your ankles or wherever I'll bet you $20 that at least 90% of the problem isn't from waltzing around barefoot. You got odd bones? Stop taking costco fake calcium or drinking that gallon of milk you can't digest very well and hit the leafy greens. Then...go butter your toast. Yes I said butter. Toss that smart/sham butter and get some real stuff that actually had a prior bovine existence. It will help you assimilate all your nutrients and stop those weird aches. If your heels still hurt try drinking more water. You could well be walking over the reflexology point for your kidneys, and if they're hurting so will your heels. If on top of this you aren't rotting your bones with a daily (or weekly) pint of rootbeer I'd say you're starting to cover some territory. Just remember, flip flops aren't satan's temptations for the downfall of our arches, and keds aren't the embodiment of bipedal virtue.

Pride and Prejudice

Oy! I'm watching the new Pride and Prejudice, and I must confess that it's worse than I ever thought. Although the clothes and the lines quoted straight from the book are gratifying, the many gaffs are perfectly appalling. For one thing hardly any of the characters look old enought to be out of highschool. I get the feeling that I'm watching a highschool play wherein most of the characters are reading their lines from a cue card off stage. Then there are the nonsensical extraneous material that could only have been perpetuated by one's who's familiarity with the work and the era was confined to hasty perusals Mr. Cliff's notes. Walking around with hair down. Gentlemen in lady's bedchambers. Money given to Lydia by Wickham. And we haven't even gotten to their removal from Netherfield. What other pleasures await me I hardly dare to think. I just hope there's plenty more dancing to be had. It would appear to be this movie's saving grace.

Coming together

I think I'm finally starting to pull my design ideas together. I think it makes a better list than a description though.

-contemporary
-blue
-wrought iron
-antiques
-simple
-collections
-red
-candles
-refinished
-comfortable
-green
-thrifted
-wood
-hand me down
-books
-cream
-nostalgia
-friends

Thrifty trios

A trio of 99 cent red begonias in a little, low terra cotta planter perfectly filling a niche between the chair and the sliding glass patio door.

A $6.00 trio of botanical prints featuring lovely, old-fashioned pink roses. Final destination still undecided but likely above the head of our bed.

I love thrift stores.

So now what?

So lately I've been thinking about what I need to really be doing with my time. Of course there's plenty of stuff I could be doing around here, but I've been musing on getting some sort of a job. There's a church nearby with a daycare/kindergarten set-up that might be fun, but therein lies part of my dillemma. For a girl who's never spent a day in a typical school (except college) I have some pretty strong opinions about things. I suppose if you were to try and classify my general bent on education it'd be something like montessori/classical. On one hand I think schools are exceedingly dumbed down. On the other I don't really like the rigid compartmentalization of our children and their activities. I also really, really can't stand the education department at university. I took maybe a couple of classes and went through some brooha when I was considering the 5th year program, and in my opinion the whole thing is largely a complete waste of classroom space. I'm not against the concept of an education degree per say, but I'm almost rabidly against its implementation in virtually every place I've considered. What do I do now? Become a martyr to my beliefs that conventional age/grade divisions are artificial and unnecessary? I might as well get a job at Hancock's (which isn't a bad idea when you think about it). Starting my own school is infeasible to say the least. Trying to get work at one without an education degree is difficult and scary ('cause curriculum and classroom management can't be mail-ordered). I suppose it's my frustrated homeschool mom complex showing again. Grrrr. Need. Guidance. Wisdom. BABIES. Something.

Hurrah!

The money was sent merrily on it's way, and my new (to me) car should be here in a week or two.

Also, after rereading more of my books than was strictly good for me, we finally got libary cards renewed! Now I can reread all the books at the libary :P Seriously, when we moved here we didn't drive anywhere near a library, so we just didn't bother. Online books and the occassional bookstore run for some really good books (and GLH ebay finds) kept us going.

Just in case anyone's interested I picked up a Dorothy Sayers, some Rex Stout, a few odds ands ends of canonical lit, travel books for vacation planning, and two books on Montessori education. Now I'm tired and ready to curl up with said books and devour them. However I have to get my apartment ready for tonight. Not too much really do, but it needs to get done.

Pain and Helplessness

I want to share something from Elisa's blog -Elisa I hope you don't mind.

I know that one day my story will flesh out and I will see this, as we all will see the pain and hurt and realize the good. Until then, I am working on how to live my day to day life. How to trust and hope. How to help my friends trust and hope as well. I am not the only one with crap going on, and I see it in my community and it breaks my heart. How do we all do it? My stuff seems like too much to carry...how can I help you carry yours? How do I speak the Truth to you when I am not sure that I even believe it? Tell you to hope when mine feels dried out? It is hard and it is broken. In the end I guess I just need to pray for God to help my unbelief. Help me hope, help me pray. Help me care for those in my life. Help me. I am utterly incapable

This is the comment I left:

Ouch. Yes. How can I go minister to you when my own home isn't in order? How can I help others when I can't even help myself? When I neglect the people closest to me? When I reach out am I running from my own problems and responsibilites- running from my own pain instead of running towards yours? Using your helplessness as an excuse to ignore my own? How can I even presume to minister to you knowing that my best words and actions can shred you utterly? How can we bear to be human?

We sing songs together at church, hug, and even chat. But how do we get to heart of each other's hearts? For me that's a very real question as I've never had the knack of making friends easily. I want to dig into the life of my church and to laugh with those who rejoice and weep with those who mourn, but I still don't know how. I suppose that's just another example of my own helplessness.

More friends to meet

Real quick I wanted to mention Cassia and Brian's blogs to which I've freshly linked. Cassia is wife of our assistant pastor and an all around beaming, quirky, awesome sort of woman. Brian is chief musician at our church, and takes a mean photo. Just found their blogs today and look forward to digging into their lives a little more.

Also, drat that Allen just when I was feeling bad about not getting stuff done he up and introduces me to a game that had me obsessively complusively building plasma sentry units and marching them around their pixelated planet. Lesson learned though. Allen cares more about whether I'm having fun than whether I'm doing dishes.

New internet friend

Elisa, a friend of mine from church, recently found my blog, and I am telling you right now to stop everything go read her. Reading her blog is like is like standing, arms outstretched, in the desert while the rushing wind sends your hair dancing out behind you and bites your eyes to tears.

Allen at work and play

There are times when this is eerily accurate.

And....we bought a car!

I called up the dealership selling the car we didn't get last night, and they offered it at 1k under the buy it now. Yeah. So why did they hoist up the BIN so high? I don't get it either. Anyway, even with dealer fees and delivery we're getting a pretty good deal. Of course now I'm sort of kicking myself for not haggling more with them, but since they price they offered was under our highest bid in the auction I really can't think we did so badly. And it has a sunroof!!! Pretty green paint and a sunroof for fun. Cargo space (for camping) and a 4cyl engine (lower gas mileage) for practicality. We should get it in around 2-3 weeks. Squeeee!

Ebay car buying woes

Ok, we've pretty much narrowed it down to a '99/'00 Honda CR-V -with a sunroof. I really want that sunroof. The issue though is actually finding one in good shape that we can afford. It can be frustrating to be sure. We just came within $600 of the buy it now price on one auction, and the reserve still says "unmet." Jeesh. Don't know why the bother using the auction feature at all. Might as well make it a BIN only auction and be done with it. There's another car coming up we might be interested it, but the upper peninsula of Michigan is a long ways away if we were to go pick it up. And then there's shipping if we didn't go up there and plane tickets if one or both of us did. I admit this is one of the times when a swimming pool full of money would come in handy. Plunk down the cash. Get the car. Go home. Done. Still, even without the swimming pool full of money, at least we aren't diving into car payments. Ick. That wouldn't be a jolly way to do things.

Car buying

I don't much like buying things on a deadline.I like to browese through ebay and wander around the local thrift stores (or the local Laz-y-Boy) until I find exactly what I want. Of course then sometimes there's a sale ending to consider and the opportunity costs, but it's nothing too bad. It's when the transmission goes out on your ONLY vehicle that things really get interesting. Cause then all of a sudden we have to decide what car we want and how much we want to spend on it and how long we expect to keep it. Yeah. And of course what I want is stretching our definition of what we can afford. And what I want is stretching Allen's definition of "want." Isn't marriage fun :D Allen for the Honda and me for the Toyota (and the one I want would be the more expensive of the two =). It will get sorted out eventually. At least we can borrow my in-law's superfluous van for a while until we find something suitable. It's just part of the ever expanding list of firsts for the not so newly wed.

Namaste

If anyone hasn't tried a Namaste mix I really recommend you do so. They're free of gluten, soy, nuts, refined sugars, and most other potential allergens. I like them because particularly because I'm trying to maintain a mostly wheat free diet (my cheats are fried chicken and communion bread), but they're good for anyone who's trying out healthier alternatives to convention cakes. I particularly like their spice cake with carrot cake variation, but their brownies are also good. When my MIL and FIL were out of town over my brother-in-law's birthday I used the brownie mix to make him a mint chocolate chip brownie cake which he really liked. Anyway, thought I would mention it.

Living with limits

I sort of apologize for that last post. For some reason my cycle just completely knocked me off my feet this time around. Well, that on top of a very busy previous week and trying to ward off whatever seems to be going around.

And I'm still not very good at setting limits during these sorts of seasons. I start setting and meeting goals. Something sets my energy level back, and I get all sorts of frustrated that I'm not getting done what I should be getting done. I don't want to be lazy. I want to get stuff done. But there are times when I don't start things because I'm scared of getting tired/busy and having one more unfinished project laying around reminding me of whatever productive thing I could be doing. It's something I'm working on. Being productive and happy during my slow times instead of getting frustrated and overwhelmed by everything else. Speaking of which I have a cake that needs to get in the oven.

A gray day

I seem to go through these. Things are going great them BLAM several days hit me once. That's sort of what it feels like today anyway. I'm tired. I feel like I might be getting a cold. My apartment is going downhill. I don't know what to fix for supper, and on top of all of that it looks like baby fever is setting in again. I was thinking that it'd be good to have a couple of months to cleanse. Now I'm starting to change my mind. Not that changing my mind would change anything. It's not something I can control. So there you have it. Poor pitiful me.

The frustrating thing is that it really isn't just laziness or procrastination. If was those I could just kick myself off the sofa and do something about it. I've just got pretty low vital energy right now. It's never been very high since I graduated, but now it's worse, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. It's frustrating enough to make me cry. I'm drinking water, eating fresh veggies, and taking nutritional supplements. I just don't know what to do. I get so tired and listless, but I don't like spending so much time goofing off at the computer. I have projects I want/need to work on and duties to attend to, but it's so hard getting up the wherewithall to get them done.

I haven't gotten a comment on this blog for weeks, and I don't wonder at it. I've been so dry lately. My writing hasn't even been that interesting to me. Oh well. I better see what I can fix for supper.

New Furniture!!!

Well, Allen and I have been busy the last few days. I've been really wanting some living room chairs so I can feel like I have an actual living room and not just a sofa and a bookcase. Well, what started out as a hunt for chairs actually became a regular living room make-over. While pricing chairs I found a sofa. I could get it in brown. I had been dreaming of a brown sofa for the longest time. But......doubts about the suitablity of dark brown assail me. Desire for colors. Not worth the extra $150 to get brown. Utter suitability of a pleasant new leaf green for blending into my existing colors. The in-store discount credit will cover the cost of a lovely lamp which I'd need anyway to balance out the lighting on both sides of the room. Presto, sofa! Also, a lamp with a suggested retail price so far out of my budget (and thrifty sensibilities) that I can't quite believe it's sitting in my living room. Like her heroine's dresses in a GLH novel it's one of those ridiculously simple affairs without fuss or ornamentation which yet manages to put itself unequivically above all it's cheap and fussily ornamented relations - a beautiful wood base simply turned and polished surmounted by a creamy shade. The chairs are $99 wonders from IKEA in Atlanta. Barrel chairs uphostered with sturdy unbleached cotton and slender wooden legs. We've put them on either side of the bookcase and have rearranged the bookcase so that I can display my knick-knacks to better advantage -mostly my Madam Alexander dolls along with various photos and trinkets I've picked up over the years. There's a really curious people of driftwood I once found. From one direction it looks like a ship with its sails full. From another it looks like a woman with her hair and draperies blowing in the breeze. I don't even remember where I found it now.

At any rate I have been quite busy. I'd like to sort of take today off and enjoy the mild breezes blowing through my living room, but unfortunately I have to get this place ready for health class tonight. I'm so glad we can host this, but it does sort of put one on a deadline.

Hi again

I realize I haven't been posting as much recently. Part of it is that there's hasn't been a whole lot going on. I'm working on doing some cleansing, and either because of or in spite of it I've been pretty zapped the past couple of weeks. That morning routine of mine has sort of disentagrated simply because I can't get the momentum up. Now I'm sort of doing things in bits and peices throughout the day. And honestly things are sort of looking like it. My morning routine let me pull steady with the apartment and even get ahead. Feeling zapped means I breeze through one room, and just want to sit down. And this is the girl who used to go from 6am to midnight. Hmmmm, that could be why I'm still tired? lol I do think my studies took a toll on my from which perhaps I have not yet entirely recovered.

The other reason I haven't been posting is that I've been running kind of dry lately. Not too much I want to muse over in writing right now. Things will hopefully head uphill again as I continue cleansing and release some of the junk stored up in my body. Until then....things are going to be pretty boring around here.

weeping and laughing

I really can't wait to see where our new pastor takes us in the coming months. Our beloved former pastor left us under very painful circumstances, but I praise God that we have not been left shepherdless. Tom is just what this church needs. The text for his sermon this week can be summed up by the phrase "they mourned not neither did they dance." It's the passage where Jesus expresses His frustration and disgust at the blindness and fastidiousness of a generation that despised John when he came in sackcloth and sobriety and condemned Jesus as a drunk and a glutton when He came eating and drinking. But the point Tom particularly wanted to make concerned the children in the market playing together saying "We played the flute, and you did not dance. We played a dirge, and you did not mourn." He compared this to two of the main camps of Christian thought and the ways we completely miss out on the celebration and the mourning called for in the Bible. On one hand are the people who are so consumed by their own sin that mentally they stay curled up on the floor whimpering. Rejoicing has no place in a life so consumed. On the other end are the people who only read the happy psalms and sing the happy songs. The words of the hymn:

Out of the deep I cry,
The woeful deep of sin,
Of evil done in days gone by,
Of evil now within.

would only affront their bliss blinded minds. Then there are the people who refuse to sing either song because it means taking Christ's tune for their refrain instead of their own.

Tom said, and I'm inclined to agree, that our church has sort of got the dirge down. We understand brokenness and grace. That's not to say that we never celebrate but that our bent in our walks with Christ is towards mourning over our sin. It's mourning accompanied by the preaching of an all-encompassing grace for God's elect, but it's still mourning. Tom said that in the coming months he wants us a church to trying having a go at getting the wedding dance down. In our worship and our times of coming to God he wants us to taste the richness of a joyful, exultant life joined intimately to Christ. This doesn't mean that we won't ever think about our sin. It's not one versus the other but rather us as a congregation learned to laugh louder and mourn deeper. As Tom said, ultimately these two things are two sides of the same coin. A Christian mourning his own sinfulness must acknowledge a grace which he did not earn and cannot repay. The depth of our sin reveals that much for forcibly the gravity of Christ's sacrifice and the enormity of His forgiveness and love towards us. But when we are rejoicing and celebrating in our relationship with God, if we are honest, we admit we did nothing to merit a place at the wedding feast and that were it not for God's grace towards us our sins would otherwise have certainly excluded us.

He had a lot more to say, but that's what mainly caught my attention. I look forward to getting to know our new pastor and his family.

Clean Feet

My mother-in-law just got her ionic cleanse foot bath in late last week, and Allen and I went over there this evening to see what all the fuss is about. Don't ask me about the science because I really don't know. Basically it uses polarization (and electricity and ions) to draw toxins out through your feet. Think of it as a super charged detox mudpack. Except without the mud. It's really neat though. The water you put your feet in turns all sorts of nasty colors, and you get this horrid scummy foam over the top. Glad that's not inside me anymore.

This sort of thing is useful because it provides your body with a way to detox without overloading your colon and/or kidneys -which is awesome because if you're really toxic it's so easy to overload your elimination channels. Looks like I'm going to be adding that into my weekly routine now.

The five minute miracle

Well it's starting. I made me a morning routine that I've been trying on this week with decent success.First thing in the morning after I get dressed I spend five minutes cleaning the bathroom (I'm already standing there anywhere), then immediately move to spend five minutes in the bedroom making up the bed and putting away odds and ends, then five minutes picking up the living room, and I finish with ten minutes in the kitchen putting away dishes and generally tidying things. I said this was the five minute miracle, but since my kitchen and I need a double miracle it gets ten minutes. So in 25 minutes I've cleaned the bathroom, made my bed, tidied my bedroom and living room, and cleaned the kitchen. Well, they aren't completely clean. I'm not superwoman. But they are cleaner than they were the day before. First day, I felt pretty guilty leaving rooms that I'd started to clean but hadn't completely cleaned. Now though, I'm feeling pretty good about it. As the Flylady says, "It didn't get this way in one day, and it won't get clean in one day." Things are getting better, and I'm not overwhelmed or exhausted. It's great.For the first time since I don't know when I'm getting excited about housekeeping. Next week I'm probably going to start adding in something of an evening/afternoon routine just because there are certain tasks I really don't have time to even really start during my morning routine.Overall though I'm extremely satisfied with the start I've made.

And it's gone

Maybe a quarter on an inch on the tops of the cars. And no more falling. That's Alabama for you.

Snowflakes fell on Alabama

IT'S SNOWING


It's actually snowing pretty hard too (especially for Alabama).

Fly away clutter

Well, I'd heard about her for a year or so now and had never been terribly interested in joining, but this evening I just signed up with Flylady. I've really been needing help, and I reckon I'm going to give her a try. But not the shoes. I don't even wear lace-up shoes hiking when I can get away with wearing tevas. So yeah, I understand why she says to wear lace-ups, but I think I'm just going to try getting by without 'em. :D Hey, it's hereditary. I get it from my father's side. Can't go back on my heritage :D

Seriously though, I'm hoping that her routines will help me get on with life. I've already received several of her e-mails just for signing up, and there's one thing she said that encouraged me very much. I hope she won't mind my posting an except:

Our homes are stifling our imagination. Our little creative minds have been stuffed into this cocoon because of the guilt that has been put on our little heads. We are blessed to have an imagination. We fight hard to keep from being stuffed into that cocoon. This is why we rebel against habits and routines. They look too much like the “Born Organized” people in our lives. They are a tool that helps us to emerge from our cocoon of guilt and suffocation to find our true joy in living.

I must say I can identify. I have the dickens of a time getting started on what I should do, but I don't do what I really want to do either because I feel so bad about what I should do.

Soo...............here's hoping that this helps me turn a corner.

sacks of scraps

Anna no longer has the corner on vintage fabrics. I now have a sack of fabrics from Mamaw and Nanny each. There's all sorts of interesting patterns. Not all of them are vintage, but some of them are quite pretty and usual. I can't wait to play with them. Unfortunately I have quite a few projects and chores taking first priority, but I'm looking forward to digging into them one day.

Back from Dallas

Last week we took a long weekend to visit Allen's great-grandmother out in Dallas. We'd been talking about the possibility of visiting her, so when Allen's mom mentioned that she'd been planning to drive out there we jumped at the opportunity to go out there with her. For having broken her hip she's a remarkably spry little lady. She'd got a wheeled walker, and she just cruises around her little house. Doesn't want to sit still. A trait Grandmom shares -like mother like daughter. Those two have a hard time being happy when they can't be buzzing around seeing to things. Apparently Nanny's son does most of the work now though. I think they said he's lived with her for 20 years or close to it. A long time anyway.

It was very good to see them. Nanny told us that she has 44 grand and great children. The way she's going she's going end up with a couple of great, great grandchildren. The day we left she said, "You think maybe I'll make it to 100?" I would not be surprised at all if she did. She looks younger at 94 than my grandmother did at 85.

The drive over an back wasn't too bad. I read Wives and Daughters all the way over, and my mother-in-law and I watched Pride and Prejudice half of the way back. Allen was sweet enough to drive for us so she could watch it. We make it out and back in one day each. Actually got back in time for supper Sunday evening.

Peeling off the shell

You remember learning about all those various bugs and crustaceans who carry their skeletons around on their backs? Spineless little creatures they are. I begin to think that I was brought up to have an exoskeleton. Lest you start commenting on the state of my skin and start offering moisturizers let me explain. You might say I had a pretty successful college career. Scholarship girl, super high GPA, summa cum laude graduate with a paid ride to grad school, and one of the darlings of my academic department. On top of that I was homeschooled, and we all know that homeschoolers are some of the most intensely self motivated people on the planet. I would have told you that myself. Despite what you might have heard to the contrary I was a fairly decent kid as well. In other words, by appearances I wasn't much of a slouch. However, I've come to see that appearances can really, really, sucker-bet you lie. You must understand that I bought into a lot of that description. I tended to credit my professor's creative powers when I read their recommendations (although I might add that my friends didn't), but overall I would have accepted that general picture of myself. Looking back though I see that I really had very little positive momentum. I didn't have to. Everyone else was pushing me along. Grades, chores, and even acceptance where all rigidly enforced. My single B became an echoing example of what might happen if I ever let my guard down again (or took a class somewhat over my head). I worked hard not because A's were a goal so much as an absolute necessity. I did my chores so that I might say (if even to myself) I wasn't a complete dead weight on the family -that I did in a way earn some place there. Acceptance? Toe the line or else kid. Keep your mouth shut, your head down, and get by as best you can. Fear, guilt, and the necessity of success where primary motivators during that time. The thing about them though was that although they provoked action they didn't create momentum. When you're motivated by fear you stop when a. you've met the bare requirements to appease or b. you come to a point where the effort to appease isn't worth it anymore and you resign yourself to living with wrath and failure. Guilt works about the same way. If you can never get enough done to assuage the guilt then you might as well save yourself the effort. The necessity of success is rather more nuanced I believe, but it's still confining and debilitating.
The point I wish to make here is that I had so much pressure holding me up and pushing me forward that my reaction (especially with regard to fear and guilt as motivators) was resist the pressure and hang back against it in effort to make a breathing space. My movement might have been forward, but much of momentum was zero or negative. Here's another image for you. Imagine a a thin paperback or a children's Golden Book held up between two larger books. It's secure, stable, and upright. Now imagine taking those supporting books away. It's probably going to flop over. Now think about me. All my life hedged about by pressures and necessities. All of a sudden (thank God for Allen) they go away. Oh I hear echoes of them, but the pressures aren't physically, daily, in my face running my life. In fact the opposite is occurring. Without the accustomed pressure though I flop over and end up kicking my legs in the air trying to get upright again. However, my hard exoskeleton of relentless achievement and parental demands isn't there to hold me up in my accustomed position. So I fall down again. By this time Allen is really confused, and I'm not exactly understanding this myself. And we do that for a few dozen weeks until the lights blink back on, and we can see the bits of my discarded shell scattered around the living room. All this to say -Mom's please give your children backbones instead of shells. All my life I never really had to develop the basic backbone that lets a girl decide when's a good time to go to bed. All this was decided for me. My grades, my temperament (selfish they said), my profession, my fitness as a wife and mother, my ability to cook, and even how much of my money I could/should spend on my own wedding dress were all largely predetermined and dictated to me in words if not in actions. Having broken out of a lot of that I realize that even if I do have a leg to stand on there's not much in the way of skeleton holding that leg up. It's getting better though. I'm just going to have to be patient while I wait for my new spine to grow in and make sure not to confuse limping on crutches for running on whole legs.

I do wonder though. Where would I be today and what would my past look like if I'd been taught to run like a woman instead of crawl like a spider. Moms out there. Seriously. Teach your children to run.

By the calender -a reflection

Well, Monday all (most) of the Christmas decorations were packed away for the year. There's still a few bits and pieces from my mantle and bookcase that have hung around a little longer. However, it wasn't laziness or poor planning that kept the tree around this long. Last Sunday happened to be Epiphany or the day on which the Magi are celebrated as arriving in Bethlehem and is the day that closes the Christmas season in the church calendar. Not having grown up with the Church calender (most Baptist/Bible churches I know don't much follow it's lesser celebrations) it's still pretty new to us, and we weren't quite sure how to go about celebrating this punctuation to Christmas. So....we didn't. But we did keep our tree and lights up through Epiphany and remove them promptly afterwards. Minor point though that may be, I'd like our home to start moving more in rhythm with the Church calendar. Advent, Christmas, Lent, etc aren't just occasions for changes in the church service but actually provide an organizational structure for our lives. Not having grown up with it I can't really say I understand how this looks. Obviously people often fast during Lent, but that doesn't tell me much about what to do Epiphany or Ascension Sunday. All you moms can laugh at me if you like, but I also get the impression that this is harder to do as a married couple than as parents. Parents, it seems, naturally find themselves explaining and illustrating the seasons to their children (often with appropriate construction paper activities). The act of teaching appears to shape the holidays more than anything else. A couple like us? Besides cooking some more food I'm not entirely sure what to do. Maybe for now that would have been enough. I don't really know. However, as there are several more feast days coming up before the ordinary year starts again I believe I will have the chance to practice.

New year, new goals

Having recently escaped into the warm arms of grace, rules and lists and such still tend to frighten me with specters of my former captivity. However, though grace is everything the law is not void, and there's nothing wrong with a few sensible rules. To that end here are a few of the ways in which I want to grow this year.

1. Stop letting worry, stress, and guilt paralyze me and keep me from doing the things I want and need to do.
Sometimes just the thought of how much I need to do and want to do and haven't even started to do overwhelms me to the point where I feel incapable of tackling any of it. Therefore little to nothing gets done, and I feel even worse. Wash, rinse, repeat.

2. Realize that it's ok for me to take time to do the things I really want to do. Like sewing.
I'm a genius at procrastinating with the computer or a novel, but the minute I get up and start trying to actually do something I immediately feel bad that I'm not doing something else. Thus I piddle away time that'd I'm much rather be spending on productive things because I don't want to face the worry over whether I'm doing enough or the right thing. Clear as mud?

3. Pick two things everyday to do -one chore and one project, spend at least some time on each, and don't worry about whatever else I could be doing with my time.
Start breaking the habits. Spend at least a little time each day sewing, crafting, or reading a really good book.

Start here. See where we can go from here.

Quick, easy, and delicious steaks

Getting a really good steak out of grass fed beef can be a wee bit of problem since the meat, although more flavorful, tends to be rather more tough than your standard Food World cut. However, a few weeks ago while I was thawing out some steaks Allen (the king of randomly awesome research) stumbled across a cooking instructor turned blogger who claimed to have discovered a way to turn any steak (even cheap discount ones) into perfectly tender prime cuts. Allen and I aren't huge steak fans, but preparing it this way has changed our minds. If you like steak (or just have some in the freezer that needs using) I really suggest that you give this a try.

One of four

I hope no one will take offense at my posting this, but I've recently been pondering about what it means to be a family and to be in a family and...this is going to be a little personal. I suppose a careful reader might have picked up that my family and Allen's family are pretty different in how they view family relations. I've been pondering this for a while now, but something happened yesterday that drove it all home for me. We were sitting around the table at Mamaw's asking the blessing when I heard my father-in-law thanking God for his four children. Allen only has two other siblings. The fourth child mentioned was me. This didn't really surprise me since I'm called "daughter" twenty times for every one time I'm called "daughter-in-law." However, I immediately went back to another time I heard someone talking about four children. One morning, before I'd left my room, I heard my mom saying very vehemently that she had four children. My mom has given birth to three daughters and two sons. Most people would say she has five children, but she wasn't counting me. I've been turning the phrase over in my mind ever since -"four children."

"I have only four children."

"Thank you God for my four children."

Damnation and acceptance in the same phrase. Joy and heartbreak in the hearing.

Happy New Year everyone!

I just wanted to pop over and wish everyone a very happy New Year. This is going to be my first New Year's in town with my new family, and I'm looking forward to it. I've got some black-eyed peas cooking on the stove preparatory to taking them down to Mamaw's. Apparently my father in law needs/wants to see about something on the farm, so we're taking dinner down with us. Should be fun! Feel free to comment here with your New Years traditions. I'd love to hear about them.

chicken veggie soup with curry

This was another oops meal that will likely go into my repertoire. I came up with it when the pot of soup I made ended up being a bit bland. It's really exactly what the title says, and it's great for spicing up your usual chicken soup. Here's a brief rundown of how I made mine.

1 1/2 lb Chicken
1qt veggie stock
1qt chicken stock
1/2 c brown basmati rice
1/2 c pearl barley
carrots
onions
celery
zucchini
garlic bulb
salt, pepper, and cayenne to taste
curry powder to taste (btw 1/4-1/2c)
water enough to make soup

Chop it all up. Throw it in the pot. Simmer till supper time, and enjoy.

waiting to homeschool

Lately I've been discussing some employment type opportunities with my in-laws. Theres several options we've discussed -some of them related to her natural health work. However, the more I look at it the more I realize that my first desire is to work with children. The problem is that there are several barriers to my doing so. Firstly, I have very little desire to go back and pick up an education degree. The education program in many places (from my limited previous research and experience) is something I don't care to touch with a ten foot pole. Their approaches and goals are often diametrically opposed to what is desirable and good in an educational program. Unfortunately it's often hard to get a job at even a Christian school without such a degree. There are Christian colleges were I could pursue either a second bachelors or an alternative masters, but neither Allen nor I think I'm quite ready to dive back into that lion's den. Those considerations aside, I don't particularly want to have charge of an entire classroom of 30 identically aged children each doing the exact same thing. An alternative to that is Montessori, but I can't find any Montessori training programs in the state, and I'm not sure about distance training in that field. Traditional tutoring might be an alternative albeit not a particularly attractive one. On top of all that...I don't do vaccines. Not anymore at least. I got the full complement (including hep and all that) growing up, but I don't particularly intend to get anymore if I can help it. And of course schools and all that generally require you to have everything under the sun. If you really add up what I want to do you end up with me poring over curriculum catalogs and a half dozen rugrats running around the living room. In short -homeschooling. Of course you can really homeschool unless you have kids, and I don't seem able to have kids right now until I can take care of my toxicity problem.It is a might frustrating. Particularly when I'm still getting people asking me what I'm going to do.

Thoughts on blogging

It's rather funny really. I love visiting Trina and Anna's blogs and browsing through all the pictures, but when I come to my own blog I rarely think about pictures except in the halfway guilty "I bet someone would appreciate seeing some" way. Funny isn't it? The thing I like in other blogs in not the thing I most enjoy doing with my own. Instead, I babble about this and that as the steady stream of words flows from my finger tips. I alway intend to post pictures, but I rarely actually do it.All the upload and wait sort of detracts from my spontaneous joy of sitting down and musing aloud through my keyboard.

Christmas reflections

No matter how old you are there's something special and exciting about piling every pillow and blanket you own on the living room floor (with the air mattress) and curling up to watch a favorite movie -especially if there are Christmas lights involved.

Chocolate fondue with fruit and cheesecake makes any movie better.

Hot buttered rum is delicious.

Playing Carcarssone with your husband at 3am while sipping a second buttered rum, while not recommended for everyone, is thoroughly enjoyable. Just don't plan on getting up early the next day.

Fireplaces are more fun at Christmas.

Homemade breakfast on Christmas Eve morning (or for brunch) is still a great idea.

Christmas lights you saw as a kid in mom and dad's car look different when you see them again with your husband in your own car. That's still one of my favorite houses though.

Christmas at the farm with Mamaw and my in-laws is special.

Overall, it was a good second Christmas.

a gradation of style

Pity I haven't the patience to get a picture up, but I think I can describe it fairly well. On my mantle you will find a rather tasteful arrangement of evergreen sprigs and holly berry garland punctuated by the gleam of white lights glowing like fallen stars in the greenery. Draped across the holly garland a plastic prism-studded garland glistens like a frosty fretwork. At either end I've placed my little village pieces -the house on one end and the church on the other. In between, framed by the greenery and garland, a manger scene of figures poses in the soft light. Next to the fireplace, just to the left, my little half-size tree is covered in a wealth of family ornaments. The table it sits on is covered by a gray fleece blanket decorated with patches and cutouts of deep red and frosty white and blue stitched in green thread. Then to the left of that is a bookcase draped with a single strand of colored lights. From right to left I have a somewhat elegant mantle, a familial tree, and a rather college student-eque bookcase. Rather amusing I must admit, but it honestly didn't feel like Christmas until I had a strand of lights draped over my bookcase for no very appreciable reason. Rather a hodge-podge, but I like it.

Happy Holiday?

I know I haven't been doing that much posting lately. Things have been busy. I've been tired. Plus the stress oozing out of my eyeballs. Sorry for the not so happy picture. It's just that our second Christmas is proving to be more frustrating and hard than our first one. Who would have thought of that one? Of course the first Christmas was all novelty -new city, new tree, new us, visiting family as a married couple! Now...it's not so new. On top of that my energy levels are still down. On top of that we aren't staying with family and therefore being able to sort of just drift with the tide of "familiness." This year, it's just us for the most part having to make Christmas work together when neither one of us really had to make Christmas work before. Before marriage our parents planned things out, and we helped/participated to greater or lesser degrees. I loved to help make it happen, but I didn't bear the weight of it. Sitting around the living room watching Holiday Inn while the fire crackled merrily to itself wasn't something anyone had to really plan because it was just part of the fabric of Christmas. Mom did most of the meal and party planning too. Us girls just showed in the kitchen to help. I suppose this is the part that a lot of you young ladies were looking forward to when you got married. I was to in a way. I just didn't expect the learning curve to be so steep at parts. On top of that my family isn't exactly being....cordial. Didn't see them last Christmas. Haven't talked to Dad more than a few minutes this Christmas. May not get to even see him much less anyone else again this Christmas. (And no my parent's aren't separated. It's a long story.)

Anyway, it's not as though Allen and I aren't having a good Christmas. It's just that having a good Christmas is taking way more planning and communication than I ever dreamed. Two different sets of traditions and assumptions though. It should not have surprised me.

Christmas is coming....

You know how things will be going all crazy for a while where you're running around all stressed out and then something just clicks (usually after a lot of communication and a bit of elbow grease) and you wake up one morning feeling great? Well the past week or so I've been stressed on top of stressed on top of stressed. Family, gift buying, housecleaning, Allen, friends/church -even though I haven't been technically that busy the sheer weight of everything had pretty much been bowling me over. Of course Allen and I picked just this time to stop communicating effectively with each other...

But things are slowly getting back into shape. Allen and I pushed and got a few things done so I won't wear myself out trying to keep house and get Christmas projects done. We're communicating better, and I'm probably going to try making a batch of wedding ring cookies today. Since they're purely sugar and flower I don't make them but about once a year, but they are heavenly. Technically I could try making them with wheat flour and alternate sweeteners like maybe succanat or xylitol. I've done it with plenty of things before. Sometimes though there's just not a substitute for white flour and super refined sugar. The gingerbread though I'd be willing to play with. I have to wonder what a pastry grade wheat flour and/or something like succanat would do for the flavor. Maybe a small experiment is in order?

Almost done!!

I've almost finished all my Christmas shopping! I have literally three more things to get before I'm all done. Hurrah! Now if only Amazon will deliver the goods in time.

Over the river and through the woods...

This evening Allen and I went to Mamaw's to help her decorate for Christmas. Even though she's quite spry and still gets after the cows she didn't think she was up to dragging everything out of closets and storerooms and getting it all set up. So we volunteered to help. It's a good thing we did too 'cause even with all three of us working it took over an hour to get everything sorted and set up. It really was fun though. Allen and I pulled out boxes and set things up, and Mamaw superintended getting everything into the right place.

It's funny though. In some ways I'm still trying to figure her out. At first glance Mamaw is just a genial farm-girl who grew up during the Depression. She likes beans and tomatoes and living out her cattle farm. She never throws away a piece of string. On the other hand, she got an engineering degree long before female engineers were PC-hip and actually worked in her field for a time. She also reads books about the history of India and other far off places. She's definitely not someone you can read with a glance. One thing for sure though is that she's got a heart as big as all outdoors.

After getting everything set up we went back into the kitchen for cookies and coffee and left-over birthday cake. I suspect that we'll next be over there for Christmas day with all the family. Last year was my first time to go down there for Christmas, and it was so much fun. We had all kinds of good food, and we had the greatest times swapping gifts. Instead of everyone buying for everyone they have a dirty santa style gift swap. It's hilarious. The standing joke is that Aunt Sandra brings an ornament of some sort and Aaron tries to get it for target practice. I think someone has always ended up rescuing it though :D In my blog description I mentioned new traditions. I think this qualifies.

linky linky

I just popped over to Serena's only to find a whole wealth of crafting ideas (and some lovely pictures). Since I don't have my lappy back yet I'm putting the linky here, so I don't lose it when this lappy goes back to my father-in-law.

http://sewmamasew.com/blog2/?p=291

I live on the surface of the sun

Or so says one of Allen's co-workers from up north. While he's up there slipping on copious quantities of ice I'm blogging with the sliding door on my patio open. Somehow the calendar got turned back a month or two, and it's been 70-80 outside today. I was thinking about trying out my fireplace sometime this week since we stopped and got some wood. Maybe not?

After all my years down south I still don't get warm Christmases. I know snow is practically impossible but lets at least have some hot cocoa weather. I feel like I've put up my tree too soon.

What makes the holidays special

Trina has posted a list of things that make the holidays special to her and invited other bloggers to do the same.

-What is your favorite holiday tradition? Growing up that was Christmas Adam. Although technically Christmas Adam is the day before Christmas Eve (haha) it became something of a movable feast in our family and was celebrated with cousins and grandparents on a convenient weekend prior to Christmas.

-Have you started any new traditions with your family that you didn’t practice growing up? Does making and decorating gingerbread men count?

-What do you love most about the holiday season? Probably the lights. I love to sit back and look at all the candles and Christmas lights glowing around our home. Beautiful or whimsical Christmas lights in a neighborhood make me fairly childish with enjoyment.

-What do you like least about the holiday season? The heartbreak. Every ugly and hurtful thing pierces that much deeper when all around is the glow of expectation and delight. Christ is the light of the world, and at Christmas time He seems to strip the shadows from our lives so that every beauty is brighter and every pain harsher.

-Anyone close to your heart that you’ll be missing this year? My family. Also, we thought there would be a little one for Christmas this year.

-What is your favorite holiday food? Ummmm, hard question that one....My mom's wedding ring cookies, my aunt's spiced cider, and chocolate pie.

-Do you have a great recipe to share? Mashed sweet potatoes. They're healthy, easy, yummy, and essential to any family holiday meal (in any family I've been in).

hurrah for ebay!

Anna over at pleasant valley schoolhouse posted a Christmas reading list of Grace Livingston Hill novels. On that list she included Astra, an old favorite of mine which I unfortunately no longer had the pleasure of owning* until now. I bought five books (including Astra) for just over $2 a piece. Not quite thrift store prices, but it sure beats anything else.


*One of the hazards of getting married is that books which you and your sisters sort of held in common often become books that are reluctantly left behind. But, my library is growing again!

God chooses busy men

Growing up, did any of you read Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories? My family had quite a few of those, but there's one I've been thinking of in particular. I don't remember many details beyond the one statement, but here's the story as I remember it.

There was a boy who used to dream about becoming a wonderful man such as he read about in his books. He loved to read and dream so much that often he was late at his chores. One day the father sat down to talk with his son. The boy told his father all the things he wanted to do, and the boy asked his father if perhaps he too might grow up to become a great man. The father then pointed out all the chores the boy left undone or did sloppily or in great haste and told him that God chooses busy men. The father reminded his son of David called out from the fields, Gideon called on the threshing floor, and the Apostles called away from their nets. Later that day the boy could be seen out by the woodpile murmuring to himself "God chooses busy men."

Lately I've been reminded of that story quite often -most recently after seeing the businesses that two mothers (Nancy Wilson's daughters) run. I want to do something cool like that (whine). But you can see quite plainly that these businesses grew out of the work of their hands and the passion in their hearts. They did something for themselves and their family which grew into a business. Their busy hands are bearing tangible fruit. It rather makes me wonder what would happen if I got busy. Maybe just gingerbread :) Maybe something more. I suppose you don't know until you get there though. Anyway, this is just something I've been thinking about.

Doodle, doodle

My very generous father-in-law loaned me his laptop for a time, so I can once again blog at nooning with impunity. One reason I'm grateful is that over on the Puzzle Pirate's forums it's time for December Daily Doodles. They're a series of creative challenges that are posted fresh everyday. So far we've created a Doodle trophy, drawn a picture, written a poem, and compiled a list. What's fun for me is that I'm doing some things I haven't done in a while. Drawing and poetry are not my forte, but I really had fun coming up with my entries. The drawing entry used a program called artpad which actually makes a little movie of your brush strokes. It's really quite a lot of fun to play with. Considering my inexperience with drawing in general and drawing programs in particular I was rather pleased with what I did. I'll have to hop on Allen's computer and crop my screen shot to post here since this computer doesn't appear to have gimp installed.

The Lappy's down :(

I must sadly report that our Lappy (the one I use) is down for now. Hopefully we should have it back and repaired in a week or so, but for now blog posts are likely to be short and sparse. I can use the desktop some, but with Allen working on it and both of us wanting to spend some of our play time on it....Anyway, I'm getting crash course in real life.

(The absolute worst part is that a lot of my Christmas music is on it.)

still house painting...

Maybe I'm not very fast; maybe these just take a really long time. Either way I'm still not completely done. Also, when I went to the craft store I found a little church to go with it. Right. Like I really need another thing to paint. Fortunately that's not nearly as complicated, and I've been able to get a lot done on it already.All I have left now on the house is the snow. Some of you northerners will no doubt get a hearty laugh out of the way snow is clumped artistically over these two buildings. Or maybe not. I'm from Alabama. What do I know about snow?!?