There are things that were said that cannot be unsaid. Forgiveness can't supply the missing words. There are things that were done that cannot be undone. Reconciliation won't rewind those steps. There is pain that cripples because it believes itself to be a weakness instead of a wound. There are the things that may be forgiven but should never be ignored. Like I tried to do. I made excuses for the hurts because I was not sure the kindnesses would have been better. I did not know that there are things I didn't deserve not because of any aspect of my past or anyone else's past but because of my innate dignity as a person. Perhaps I shouldn't make the same excuses for people who hurt me that they made to deny hurting me.
Maybe, just finally, I'm learning to grow up with the me that is and not the me I wish there was.