Showing posts with label gleanings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gleanings. Show all posts
December 3, 2010
America Beware!
I highly suggest folks add Peter Hitchen's blog at the Daily Mail to their google readers. For those who haven't heard of him, Mr. Hitchens is brother to the somewhat famous atheist, Christopher Hitchens, and an all-around straight up fellow. Those looking for an introduction to Peter Hitchens should check out his book Rage Against God which chronicles his decent into communist atheism during his schoolboy years and his subsequent return to the Christian faith and all of it's social and political implications. He's interesting, and an excellent writer, and there should be many more of him speaking out in this demented age. If you wonder why it's important to read a political/social commentary on Great Britain I answer simply that as England was we were and as England has fallen so are we. In Rage Against God Mr. Hitchens sketches a poignant picture of a old and honorable culture dying. Portions of the book made me want to weep for the Grand Dame Britannia who is caught up in the fetters of a post-Christian, post-rational society. Which is not to say that his writings are a pangyric on Western Civilization - there have been far too many ills laid at our door. However, it he does provide a thoughtful, incisive look at what happens when a nation abandons God.
November 9, 2010
reviving the grad school dream
I finally found the program. New Saint Andrew's College has a new masters program for educators in classical schools with low tuition and low residency requirements. It's lovely. Allen has already said that we can talk about how to make it work out for me to go. It's not going to be this year. I'd have to retake the gre and get just slews of paperwork together, but we're definitely looking at figuring out a way for me to apply. At three weeks a year residency requirement it's even something I could potential do with kids, so I reckon I can afford to wait a little. Until then though I can save my pennies and work on getting my credentials together. Either way I'm really excited about the opportunities here. I'm finally getting to do something important that I've wanted to do for years. It's where I want to be. Speaking of which I have a presentation on Rousseau to write.
October 21, 2010
Best Butter Crust. Ever.
I have to link to this pie crust recipe because it is a combined miracle of serendipity and google's search engine.
While visiting my in-laws last week I decided to make a pie, but I didn't have my normal pie crust recipe around, so onward to the Google I went and found this lovely recipe. When I say lovely I mean my father in law mentioned this pie crust at least half a dozen times over the course of 4 days. He's an easy man to cook for in some ways (like Allen he likes plain homey food), but when he goes around talking about several days after said pie was made you know you've found something.
I don't want to violate copyright, so I'll just tell you to view her wonderful recipe for yourself and then I'll jot down a few observations.
You back yet?
Ok then.
I usually make pie crust by hand (unless I'm making a three or four at a time) because it's really not much harder. Also, I think it keeps me more in touch with how the dough is developing. Learning to have a "light hand" with pastry is the proverbial skill that will keep things coming out flaky and delicate. Speaking of which, here's a trick I learned that may have helped with this recipe. After cutting in your shortening agent take a fork and gently toss or whisk the dough for a couple seconds after adding each table spoon of water. You'll be left with lots of dry bits, but try to resist the urge to add more water. Otherwise you might end up with a tough crust. If it doesn't work out quite right the first time you can adjust it later as you get a feel for the dough.
So you've resisted adding more water, and now you're staring down at a rather dry, distinctly un-crustlike assemblage of butter, flour, and salt. Well, since you didn't over mix your dough you should be able to turn all that out on the counter and smoosh (ok, knead) all the bits together without worrying about ruining your crust. Stop just before you think you should and then get after it with a rolling pin. I rarely wait to chill my dough anymore, and I have very few problems with this so long as the dough isn't too wet in the beginning. The rolling pin should get all the last bits together. Just remember to keep turning the dough frequently (and sprinkling flour over it) so it rolls out easily and doesn't stick or tear. (I forget this a lot - especially when I start rolling.)
And one final tip for crusts that I had heard but never took seriously. Trim the bottom crust a little bit long and fold the extra under. A very little will do. When I go to crimp the crust it looks much more finished and doesn't seem to shrink as much in the oven.
Even if you have a working pie crust recipe I recommend you look this one up. It's light and buttery and flaky and everything a good pie crust should be.
While visiting my in-laws last week I decided to make a pie, but I didn't have my normal pie crust recipe around, so onward to the Google I went and found this lovely recipe. When I say lovely I mean my father in law mentioned this pie crust at least half a dozen times over the course of 4 days. He's an easy man to cook for in some ways (like Allen he likes plain homey food), but when he goes around talking about several days after said pie was made you know you've found something.
I don't want to violate copyright, so I'll just tell you to view her wonderful recipe for yourself and then I'll jot down a few observations.
You back yet?
Ok then.
I usually make pie crust by hand (unless I'm making a three or four at a time) because it's really not much harder. Also, I think it keeps me more in touch with how the dough is developing. Learning to have a "light hand" with pastry is the proverbial skill that will keep things coming out flaky and delicate. Speaking of which, here's a trick I learned that may have helped with this recipe. After cutting in your shortening agent take a fork and gently toss or whisk the dough for a couple seconds after adding each table spoon of water. You'll be left with lots of dry bits, but try to resist the urge to add more water. Otherwise you might end up with a tough crust. If it doesn't work out quite right the first time you can adjust it later as you get a feel for the dough.
So you've resisted adding more water, and now you're staring down at a rather dry, distinctly un-crustlike assemblage of butter, flour, and salt. Well, since you didn't over mix your dough you should be able to turn all that out on the counter and smoosh (ok, knead) all the bits together without worrying about ruining your crust. Stop just before you think you should and then get after it with a rolling pin. I rarely wait to chill my dough anymore, and I have very few problems with this so long as the dough isn't too wet in the beginning. The rolling pin should get all the last bits together. Just remember to keep turning the dough frequently (and sprinkling flour over it) so it rolls out easily and doesn't stick or tear. (I forget this a lot - especially when I start rolling.)
And one final tip for crusts that I had heard but never took seriously. Trim the bottom crust a little bit long and fold the extra under. A very little will do. When I go to crimp the crust it looks much more finished and doesn't seem to shrink as much in the oven.
Even if you have a working pie crust recipe I recommend you look this one up. It's light and buttery and flaky and everything a good pie crust should be.
December 5, 2009
Pear, Mascarpone, and Almond Tart
I tried a new recipe out tonight and ended up surprising myself. I usually don't go in for anything too gourmet, but even though this made up quite easily it felt fancy and somewhat decadent. As usual I went hunting for recipes and then adapting one to suit my own ideas.
This recipe is adapted from one at Cookstr.com.
First, you'll need a baked nine inch pie crust in a tart pan (or I used a steep sided pie pan.
For your filling you'll need the following:
2 pears peeled, cored, and sliced
white wine for poaching (I used some Riesling I had on hand)
1/3c brown sugar/succanat
1t nutmeg
1t cinnamon
2/3c mascarpone
1/4c white sugar (I used zylitol)
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3T milk or cream
1 1/2T almond paste
slivered almonds
The original recipe called for canned pears, but I used fresh and poached them in a mixture of white wine, nutmeg, cinnamon, and sugar. I used just enough wine to almost cover the pears. Once the pears were tender I removed them from the liquid and reduced the liquid to about half a cup -by which time the liquid resembled a dark caramel. (Warning, the boiling wine smelled pretty foul to me until I added the cinnamon and reduced the liquid. Afterwards it tasted great so don't get scared if it smells weird.)
While the liquid is reducing mix together the remaining ingredients in a food processor.
Here is one place where you might want to play around. I ended up arranging the pears in the bottom on the pie pan, pouring the sugar mixture on top, and pouring the custard mixture over all. You could also put the pears on top. I don't think it really matters that much. Either way reserve a tablespoon or two of the liquid because if you pour it on top of the custard you can swirl it around with a fork or a toothpick, and it looks really pretty. Last of all sprinkle some slivered almonds over the top and bake in an oven at 325 for 30 minutes or until the custard is set. Let cool on a wire rack before serving.
This is hands down the prettiest dessert I've ever made. The custard turns a lovely golden color and the sugars caramelize into interesting little swirls. I was worried about the almonds on the top burning, but they ended up adding a lovely punctuation mark to the whole presentation. I think it's also going to be a fun dessert to play around with. There's proportions to play with for one, but I could also change up the flavors (Lemon zest? Red wine? Pecans?) and presentation (different designs and layering methods). For being fairly rich (all that mascarpone) this tart doesn't feel at all heavy like a cheesecake or some pudding desserts. If you accept my usual caveat that I rarely measure and these amounts are generally estimates I think it's worth a shot.
This recipe is adapted from one at Cookstr.com.
First, you'll need a baked nine inch pie crust in a tart pan (or I used a steep sided pie pan.
For your filling you'll need the following:
2 pears peeled, cored, and sliced
white wine for poaching (I used some Riesling I had on hand)
1/3c brown sugar/succanat
1t nutmeg
1t cinnamon
2/3c mascarpone
1/4c white sugar (I used zylitol)
1 egg + 1 egg yolk
3T milk or cream
1 1/2T almond paste
slivered almonds
The original recipe called for canned pears, but I used fresh and poached them in a mixture of white wine, nutmeg, cinnamon, and sugar. I used just enough wine to almost cover the pears. Once the pears were tender I removed them from the liquid and reduced the liquid to about half a cup -by which time the liquid resembled a dark caramel. (Warning, the boiling wine smelled pretty foul to me until I added the cinnamon and reduced the liquid. Afterwards it tasted great so don't get scared if it smells weird.)
While the liquid is reducing mix together the remaining ingredients in a food processor.
Here is one place where you might want to play around. I ended up arranging the pears in the bottom on the pie pan, pouring the sugar mixture on top, and pouring the custard mixture over all. You could also put the pears on top. I don't think it really matters that much. Either way reserve a tablespoon or two of the liquid because if you pour it on top of the custard you can swirl it around with a fork or a toothpick, and it looks really pretty. Last of all sprinkle some slivered almonds over the top and bake in an oven at 325 for 30 minutes or until the custard is set. Let cool on a wire rack before serving.
This is hands down the prettiest dessert I've ever made. The custard turns a lovely golden color and the sugars caramelize into interesting little swirls. I was worried about the almonds on the top burning, but they ended up adding a lovely punctuation mark to the whole presentation. I think it's also going to be a fun dessert to play around with. There's proportions to play with for one, but I could also change up the flavors (Lemon zest? Red wine? Pecans?) and presentation (different designs and layering methods). For being fairly rich (all that mascarpone) this tart doesn't feel at all heavy like a cheesecake or some pudding desserts. If you accept my usual caveat that I rarely measure and these amounts are generally estimates I think it's worth a shot.
December 1, 2009
internet resolutions
Resolved: to stop reading web articles that don't interest me. Far better to put on a timer and just stop and read my book for half an hour than to read things that A. are mere repetitions of things with which I already agree and aren't instructional or edifying or B. lots of words winding down from faulty premises to an unenlightening conclusion. If I want to scroll for information after supper that's fine. There's no reason for me to be wasting my day in this manner. Also, with counseling and such I have plenty of advice and matter for contemplation without worrying about what some person with at least partially ill-conceived ideas has to say about matters of marginal interest.
Now, back to some matters of real worth.
Now, back to some matters of real worth.
November 16, 2009
language: a means of miscommunication
Did a bit of link hopping early today and came upon a list of Groucho Marx quotes translated for the environmentally inclined which I very much hope were intended as a joke for the more humorous members of that community. Alas, I'm afraid they were serious. When you study homo-eroticism in Victorian literature every fop is a queer. When you're convinced the sky is falling every comedian is a planet prophet. I guess. Anyway I thought I'd have some fun with their quotes.
Grouch couldn't possibly have been creating humor by taking an idiomatic statement seriously. Nope, he's asserting that discovering apparent subtlety in an issue is "disempowering" and we should endeavor to bring the same child-like self-absorption and indifference we see in classrooms world-wide to bear on our environmental challenges. Side note: if weather and ecology were so simple I think we'd have much fewer consternation about hunting and endangered species. We could just establish safe minimum numbers for all species and have at it. Also, your picnic would never ever be rained out unexpectedly. You know, because this is all so "simple."
I suppose that to Groucho's apparently intelligent mind television would have little appeal. I would, however, submit that reading a book is rather different from guerrilla gardening or writing indignant letters to Archer Daniels Midland - particularly if it's book written by some right wing nut job intent on drilling oil wells in Alaska. But Groucho didn't mean those kinds of book. Just like he thoughtfully excluded your improving tv shows.
Yes, because some guy perched on a roof with binoculars and a walkie talkie has a HUGE carbon footprint. Must be the pork rinds he's eating. They'll give him away some day if he doesn't watch out. You can get dna evidence off anything these days.
Ok, so it's sort of hard to really misapply that quote.
A government run taxi paid for by government employees with government issued money is much less expensive because when you run out of money you can just print more. Never mind that children are getting blocks of money for Christmas to use as building blocks because it's cheaper than an apple in the toe of your stocking. Please also note the irony of getting something you're not paying for (my taxes only go to support orphaned whales) as a means of inducing responsibility. We all know that children showered with toys take better care of them than children who carefully hoard pennies and do extra errands to get that new Spider-man action figure.
Actually, you're just ugly and step on my feet a lot.
They've got a point here, but they could also make the same argument about the Federal Reserve, the War on Terror, and No Child Left Behind. Actually, most any bill or committee you threw this at would stick. Not a fan of coal myself.
Couldn't possibly have anything to do with the Disney World brochures that fail to tell you about the afternoon thundershowers that sweep through nearly every summer afternoon. Groucho, making fun of marketing schemes? Never. (Ok, so you could convince me that this is eerily apt.)
Disclaimer: this is not to say that I am unsympathetic to conservationists and those who seek to use resources wisely and with due consideration for those who will come after us. I love clean water, clean air, fertile soil, and good food. I also enjoy people who use really bad logic to assure us that we don't have to laugh at humor -far better to use those valuable carbon emissions in deconstruction.
1. "A four-year-old child could understand this report. (pause) Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it."
Decoded: The cause and effect of our current eco-crisis is simple but all the bureaucracy and subterfuge swirling around it makes it confusing and disempowering. Maintain a beginner's mind.
Grouch couldn't possibly have been creating humor by taking an idiomatic statement seriously. Nope, he's asserting that discovering apparent subtlety in an issue is "disempowering" and we should endeavor to bring the same child-like self-absorption and indifference we see in classrooms world-wide to bear on our environmental challenges. Side note: if weather and ecology were so simple I think we'd have much fewer consternation about hunting and endangered species. We could just establish safe minimum numbers for all species and have at it. Also, your picnic would never ever be rained out unexpectedly. You know, because this is all so "simple."
2. "I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
Decoded: Firstly of course, he wasn't talking about Planet Green's TV shows. But his point is well-taken. The average American spends 145 hours a month watching television and the net result is a nation mostly unwilling to do the hard work to create social change.
I suppose that to Groucho's apparently intelligent mind television would have little appeal. I would, however, submit that reading a book is rather different from guerrilla gardening or writing indignant letters to Archer Daniels Midland - particularly if it's book written by some right wing nut job intent on drilling oil wells in Alaska. But Groucho didn't mean those kinds of book. Just like he thoughtfully excluded your improving tv shows.
3. "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
Decoded: A not-so-subtle reminder that the U.S. Department of Defense is the planet's worst polluter and biggest gas guzzler.
Yes, because some guy perched on a roof with binoculars and a walkie talkie has a HUGE carbon footprint. Must be the pork rinds he's eating. They'll give him away some day if he doesn't watch out. You can get dna evidence off anything these days.
4. "The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
Decoded: Smells like greenwashing to me.
Ok, so it's sort of hard to really misapply that quote.
5. "A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
Decoded: The time is long overdue for America to adopt a single payer-style of health care and for each of us to take responsibility for our own health by making greener choices.
A government run taxi paid for by government employees with government issued money is much less expensive because when you run out of money you can just print more. Never mind that children are getting blocks of money for Christmas to use as building blocks because it's cheaper than an apple in the toe of your stocking. Please also note the irony of getting something you're not paying for (my taxes only go to support orphaned whales) as a means of inducing responsibility. We all know that children showered with toys take better care of them than children who carefully hoard pennies and do extra errands to get that new Spider-man action figure.
6. "I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home."
Decoded: The only human with whom a cow would tango is a vegan.
Actually, you're just ugly and step on my feet a lot.
7. "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies."
Decoded: Two words: Clean coal.
They've got a point here, but they could also make the same argument about the Federal Reserve, the War on Terror, and No Child Left Behind. Actually, most any bill or committee you threw this at would stick. Not a fan of coal myself.
8. "Florida, land of perpetual sunshine. Let's get the auction started before we have a tornado."
Decoded: An eerie preview of today's climate change-created monster storms.
Couldn't possibly have anything to do with the Disney World brochures that fail to tell you about the afternoon thundershowers that sweep through nearly every summer afternoon. Groucho, making fun of marketing schemes? Never. (Ok, so you could convince me that this is eerily apt.)
Disclaimer: this is not to say that I am unsympathetic to conservationists and those who seek to use resources wisely and with due consideration for those who will come after us. I love clean water, clean air, fertile soil, and good food. I also enjoy people who use really bad logic to assure us that we don't have to laugh at humor -far better to use those valuable carbon emissions in deconstruction.
November 14, 2009
Pie in a jar
Oh my stars and garters have you seen pie in a jar? Trina linked to the post at Our Best Bites that explains (in mouthwatering color) just how to make these darlings. I was wondering what would be the best way to make and freeze individual pies to take camping with us at Thanksgiving, and this is a perfect solution. Now I just have to find some jars. I'm thinking pecan and apple for sure -maybe some pumpkin pie too? Oh boy oh boy oh boy. This is going to be great.
November 9, 2009
arguments against wedding do overs
Yeah, I'm realizing it's a very good thing I didn't get to fully exercise my fancy at my wedding. You think it was bad that the ac blew out at the reception, but at least you didn't have to deal with 500 Scotsmen...err make that Scotsmen singing "500 Miles" because yes I would have. And that's not all I would have either.
"Havering" is apparently an old Scots word for talking piffle; piffle is an English word for blarney, and blarney is an Irish word for nonsense. Nonsense is a American word that describes my thought processes while constructing the above sentence.
"Havering" is apparently an old Scots word for talking piffle; piffle is an English word for blarney, and blarney is an Irish word for nonsense. Nonsense is a American word that describes my thought processes while constructing the above sentence.
September 29, 2009
fruit of affliction
Lately I've been doing a bit of thinking about seasons of life, identity, purpose, what it actually means to live with an intentionality that deals confidently and compassionately with the past. Just today I discovered two posts on Femina very much to those points - one on affliction and the other on fruitfulness. I don't know that the good women over at Femina meant those posts to be complementary, but I believe they are. I know for myself that the particularly twists and turns of my own afflictions have made me doubt whether or not I'll ever really be the fruitful person I'd like to be. The phrase, "pensive, doubting, fearful heart," applies pretty well most days. I suppose because it's the nature of children (and indeed most everyone) to be egoists I'm more inclined to look at the various hurts and troubles I've been through and wonder "what did I do wrong to deserve this?" or "surely I must be a terrible, incompetent person to deserve this" instead inquiring of myself and God what should I be learning through all this? Along those lines Nancy Wilson writes:
Of course such a doctrine of affliction doesn't allow anyone to play the egoist. Maybe we earned the current affliction (ie the defaulting bank clerk) or maybe we didn't (ie an abused child), but either way affliction is something we should view from God's point of view and not own own. It's more a question of what God is doing in His kingdom and less of what we did or didn't do to earn our particular affliction. In some ways it's a hard doctrine and in other ways it's a freeing one. If you didn't earn it you can't even pretend to be in control of it. And yet if we really do believe the Gospel we must believe that suffering isn't arbitrary. It's always redeemed. Meaning that my issues with co-dependency and growing up with the kind of family I did is somehow part of God's ultimate plan to redeem creation. Yeah, I admit that I have no clue what part a couple of co-dependent parents and a few more or less messed up kids have to do with redeeming creation. Couldn't make up an explanation if I tried. Yet despite my own cluelessness I can't help but feel that if God is really in charge of this affliction then maybe it isn't such a crime to feel hurt. Maybe I don't have to shut down my heart and refuse to feel the pain since somehow, somewhere this pain that never quite goes away will be redeemed. It's not a wasted and wasteful emotion. By God's unfathomable grace it's part of my own redemption. That's very helpful to me because in the past I have more or less shut down in the face of pain. I've berated myself in private for wanting things to come out differently. Face it, if you expect a slap in the face, and you get a slap in the face at least you aren't disappointed. However, if you'd rather get a hug and know you might just get a cold shoulder and then get a slap in the face....well more fool you for wanting something you knew you weren't going to get. Way to pile up hurt and disappointment for yourself. So you stop wanting and you stop feeling. Every time you do that a little bit of you dies, but that's ok because at least you don't feel the hurts. At least it's ok until you get so numb that you'd rather feel anything than nothing.
As you might guess, under such circumstances it's pretty hard to be fruitful. When the Bible says "out of the overflow of his heart man speaks" I think it could also say that out of the overflow of man's heart he acts. Consider Jesus's remark that any man who harbors hatred in his heart is already guilty of murder. When you're feeling dead, dry, inadequate, and empty it's really hard to be fruitful no matter how much you might want to be. I know that for myself the fruitfulness comes in little fits and spurts -symbolic of my "pensive, doubting, fearful heart" I suppose. As I said, the connection between affliction and fruitfulness, suggested by the juxtaposition of the two latest posts at Femina, is in this case strictly from my own imagination. Whether or not they ordinarily go together I can't say. I can only speak from my own experience. And in my experience being told I couldn't cook for the longest time didn't exactly make my heart overflow with bounty once I got married and found myself having to cook. I remember I cooked spaghetti for our first meal together, and i was scared stiff. Of spaghetti my friends! Surely I had well and truly learned my own inadequacy. And this is where I found Rachel's post so encouraging. She pointed out that in the case of vines and bushes and fruit trees their fruitfulness isn't contingent on someone being there to appreciate the fruit. I don't normally block quote so much, but she puts it so well. Regarding fruitfulness Rachel says:
Fruitfulness isn't contingent upon someone being there to applaud, appreciate, or make use of what we do. In that sense fruitfulness is wasteful and supremely unconcerned with other people's reactions. We do the best we can and then drop the fruit where it may. If other people can use the fruit great. If not we just go right on producing it. I find this refreshing because this attitude makes hash of my more utilitarian sensibilities. When I think about taking up writing (and not just blogging) for my own pleasure or learning a new instrument or making something extra for supper I keep finding good reasons why not -mostly because who would they really help besides myself. But if I'm seeing this picture of fruitfulness aright then developing one's talents and putting something a little extra into supper making are in themselves fruitful activities. It doesn't matter if the husband notices or if you ever find yourself pressed up to use your talents publicly. We produce the fruit and let God worry about the harvest. And this is so not how I grew up. I've been so afraid of looking stupid or failing or not being recognized for what I do that I've really been kind of scared to do anything. Contrarily this sort of fruitfulness seems to look to God and to itself for its only justification. That's very freeing. Not having to worry about what every one else thinks.
So I know this all has been very long and rambling, but what am I trying to say? Here it is in a nutshell (if you're skimming stop here). I think any sort of non-Biblical idea of affliction is likely to produce people who either don't know how or believe that they can't be fruitful people. It's hard to have a generous heart when you've tucked it down into the furtherest cranny of yourself so as not to feel it's wounded pulse. Case in point -as women its so easy to feel that without kids we are simply waiting somewhere between contentment and despair for our fruitfulness to begin. But no, God has called His people to affliction and to fruitfulness. They can only be contrary callings if we make then be.
The Bible has much to say about affliction in this life. God always uses such things to sanctify us, to conform us to the image of His Son, to teach us to follow Christ. It is good to be needy because we have a Savior who loves to bestow comfort in affliction, joy in suffering, and help for the helpless. If we never had need, would we have an idea of His matchless grace?
Afflictions are good for us because they are God’s schoolroom in which He teaches His children many things. Learn to listen and learn to be a good student in affliction. He does all things well. This is not an accident, but part of His good (though hard) Providence in your life. This is an opportunity for faith, without which we will not see the Lord.
Of course such a doctrine of affliction doesn't allow anyone to play the egoist. Maybe we earned the current affliction (ie the defaulting bank clerk) or maybe we didn't (ie an abused child), but either way affliction is something we should view from God's point of view and not own own. It's more a question of what God is doing in His kingdom and less of what we did or didn't do to earn our particular affliction. In some ways it's a hard doctrine and in other ways it's a freeing one. If you didn't earn it you can't even pretend to be in control of it. And yet if we really do believe the Gospel we must believe that suffering isn't arbitrary. It's always redeemed. Meaning that my issues with co-dependency and growing up with the kind of family I did is somehow part of God's ultimate plan to redeem creation. Yeah, I admit that I have no clue what part a couple of co-dependent parents and a few more or less messed up kids have to do with redeeming creation. Couldn't make up an explanation if I tried. Yet despite my own cluelessness I can't help but feel that if God is really in charge of this affliction then maybe it isn't such a crime to feel hurt. Maybe I don't have to shut down my heart and refuse to feel the pain since somehow, somewhere this pain that never quite goes away will be redeemed. It's not a wasted and wasteful emotion. By God's unfathomable grace it's part of my own redemption. That's very helpful to me because in the past I have more or less shut down in the face of pain. I've berated myself in private for wanting things to come out differently. Face it, if you expect a slap in the face, and you get a slap in the face at least you aren't disappointed. However, if you'd rather get a hug and know you might just get a cold shoulder and then get a slap in the face....well more fool you for wanting something you knew you weren't going to get. Way to pile up hurt and disappointment for yourself. So you stop wanting and you stop feeling. Every time you do that a little bit of you dies, but that's ok because at least you don't feel the hurts. At least it's ok until you get so numb that you'd rather feel anything than nothing.
As you might guess, under such circumstances it's pretty hard to be fruitful. When the Bible says "out of the overflow of his heart man speaks" I think it could also say that out of the overflow of man's heart he acts. Consider Jesus's remark that any man who harbors hatred in his heart is already guilty of murder. When you're feeling dead, dry, inadequate, and empty it's really hard to be fruitful no matter how much you might want to be. I know that for myself the fruitfulness comes in little fits and spurts -symbolic of my "pensive, doubting, fearful heart" I suppose. As I said, the connection between affliction and fruitfulness, suggested by the juxtaposition of the two latest posts at Femina, is in this case strictly from my own imagination. Whether or not they ordinarily go together I can't say. I can only speak from my own experience. And in my experience being told I couldn't cook for the longest time didn't exactly make my heart overflow with bounty once I got married and found myself having to cook. I remember I cooked spaghetti for our first meal together, and i was scared stiff. Of spaghetti my friends! Surely I had well and truly learned my own inadequacy. And this is where I found Rachel's post so encouraging. She pointed out that in the case of vines and bushes and fruit trees their fruitfulness isn't contingent on someone being there to appreciate the fruit. I don't normally block quote so much, but she puts it so well. Regarding fruitfulness Rachel says:
If you are like me, probably one of the first things you think of is Psalm 128 “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.”
But the funny thing is that in this verse, the fruitful vine is not bearing children, she is bearing fruit. The children are all off her vine long ago, and are responsible for their own fruit bearing. She is just a heavy laden vine. My mom has always taught that fruitfulness is not equal to bearing children, and here is another example of that. The mere fact of having had children does not mean you are a fruitful person. That would be like the apple trees calling it off after their first year of bearing fruit.
Fruitfulness isn't contingent upon someone being there to applaud, appreciate, or make use of what we do. In that sense fruitfulness is wasteful and supremely unconcerned with other people's reactions. We do the best we can and then drop the fruit where it may. If other people can use the fruit great. If not we just go right on producing it. I find this refreshing because this attitude makes hash of my more utilitarian sensibilities. When I think about taking up writing (and not just blogging) for my own pleasure or learning a new instrument or making something extra for supper I keep finding good reasons why not -mostly because who would they really help besides myself. But if I'm seeing this picture of fruitfulness aright then developing one's talents and putting something a little extra into supper making are in themselves fruitful activities. It doesn't matter if the husband notices or if you ever find yourself pressed up to use your talents publicly. We produce the fruit and let God worry about the harvest. And this is so not how I grew up. I've been so afraid of looking stupid or failing or not being recognized for what I do that I've really been kind of scared to do anything. Contrarily this sort of fruitfulness seems to look to God and to itself for its only justification. That's very freeing. Not having to worry about what every one else thinks.
So I know this all has been very long and rambling, but what am I trying to say? Here it is in a nutshell (if you're skimming stop here). I think any sort of non-Biblical idea of affliction is likely to produce people who either don't know how or believe that they can't be fruitful people. It's hard to have a generous heart when you've tucked it down into the furtherest cranny of yourself so as not to feel it's wounded pulse. Case in point -as women its so easy to feel that without kids we are simply waiting somewhere between contentment and despair for our fruitfulness to begin. But no, God has called His people to affliction and to fruitfulness. They can only be contrary callings if we make then be.
September 3, 2009
This is just brilliant
This is a quote from Lark News article Pastor tries inauthenticity.
If you don't read Lark News you should -this goes double if you're a Christian and triple if you're an evangelical Christian. If what you read there offends you, and you vow to never darken their links again be scared. Be very scared. Remember, the Pharisees couldn't get the joke about them meticulously straining out gnats out of their wine and then golluping a camel in their soup.
BEND, Ore. — For years pastor Terry Bradley of New Life Community tried to be entirely real with everyone.
That experiment is now over.
"Authenticity is bogus," he says. "It's never real. Nobody knows himself well enough to be fully authentic, and trying to self-divulge all the time breeds shallow relationships because it denies the complexity and mystery of human personalities."
If you don't read Lark News you should -this goes double if you're a Christian and triple if you're an evangelical Christian. If what you read there offends you, and you vow to never darken their links again be scared. Be very scared. Remember, the Pharisees couldn't get the joke about them meticulously straining out gnats out of their wine and then golluping a camel in their soup.
July 16, 2009
nice try mister walking directions
In my search for biking directions around town I have often checked Google out for general to and from information. What I have learned through this experience is to very carefully zoom Google maps all the way in (or nearly) and check for walkways, overpasses, trails, etc. For instance, in getting from my place to the other side of 280 (yes, they have a 280 out here) Google would send me through two large, busy intersections. Think 280 and 1-19. About that size. Instead, there are two pedestrian/bike overpasses that should allow me to avoid the main intersections (and especially avoid trying to turn through any of them) instead take a few peaceful little roads to my destination. I'll admit I first discovered one of these overpasses using Google maps. However, it was from zooming and searching for shortcuts instead of following any of their suggested routes. I think Google walking directions have a lot more to do with satellite view than anything they actually suggest.
June 16, 2009
How to Speak of Animals
As the unpacking continues (somehow I think movers make almost as much work as they save), I've been refreshing my sanity by reading essays out of Umberto Eco's collection How to travel with a Salmon and other essays. I just came across one essay which I must quote because I think it's so completely brilliant on the way teachers and environmentalists have skewed our view of nature.
In this essay Umberto talks about how children's conceptions of animals have changed in the schools efforts to teach that whales, wolves, and elephants should be protected. He says:
I'd never thought of it that way before, but I really thing Eco is on to something. That last line in particular is a zinger. After reading this though I'm really curious as to what Eco would say about Grimm's Fairy Tales, Mother Goose, and Beatrix Potter. Something to think about while I'm trying to get my closets organized.
In this essay Umberto talks about how children's conceptions of animals have changed in the schools efforts to teach that whales, wolves, and elephants should be protected. He says:
No one says [animals] are entitled to survive even if, as a rule, they are savage and carnivorous. No, they are made respectable by becoming cuddly, comic, good-natured, benevolent, wise, and prudent...We must save the whales, not because they are good, but because they are a part of nature's inventory and they contribute to the ecological equilibrium. Instead, our children our raised with whales that talk, wolves that join the Third Order of St, Francis, and, above all, an endless array of teddy bears...To make them forget how bad human beings are, they [are] taught too insistently that bears are good. Instead of being told honestly what humans are and what bears are.
I'd never thought of it that way before, but I really thing Eco is on to something. That last line in particular is a zinger. After reading this though I'm really curious as to what Eco would say about Grimm's Fairy Tales, Mother Goose, and Beatrix Potter. Something to think about while I'm trying to get my closets organized.
March 4, 2009
warming? swarming? let's just say I like dirt.
It's sort of disheartening reading about these various environmental groups. A lot of them seem very into social programs, government incentives, and at times a distrust of free-markets/private property. As you may guess I'm very into the latter and not so much into the former. Now I actually think that a strong view of private property can help environmental causes and that free-markets can provide some effectual checks to corporate excesses. For instance, if I own a piece of land who's waterways running through it are negatively impacted by strip-mining (or manufacturing) upstream, a strong view of private property says "Your practices are impinging my property rights. Quit it." In the same manner I think that for changes to be durable they need to competitive in the marketplace. (Understandably, in today's markets government subsidies artificially skew prices. In the US, right now, we aren't dealing with free market conditions.) If electricity plants stop burning cheap, dirty coal and change to some more expensive way of producing electricity....well they won't unless you make them. BUT! If you can find a cheaper, more efficient way of producing electricity you won't have to make anyone switch over. They'll all be chomping at the bit, and the change will be long-lasting. Plus you won't have to deal with increased commodity prices due to increased production costs or the corresponding lessening of consumer buying power as a result of a. regulation, b. subsidization, or c. both. Of course at this point we could go into this whole thing about how government actions are effectively inhibiting companies and investors from having the incentives or opportunities to do this as rapidly as they could, but that's for another rant. Sufficing to say that it's a snarl.
To go back to what I said about government incentives, there's a sense in which I understand that this is the government with which we're dealing. Incentives are a fact of life. Use them. Haggle for them. Deal. Go ahead and point out that government subsidies go to bloated corporations, hurt farmers, contribute to national obesity, or whatever it is they do, but don't forget that subsidies are bad business no matter who gets them. It's not like Jones Valley Urban Farms getting subsidies = good and Conagra getting subsidies = bad. They still skew the marketplace and take money out of potential investor's (and consumer's) hands. So yes, we have to deal with government incentives and subsidies, but don't expect me to get all happy clappy when I hear that Congress has passed a bill to subsidize organic peanuts in Mississippi. As for my thoughts on social programs see the above. I love them when people come together and buy a plot of ground together to create a neighborhood garden. I don't love it when the government comes in and starts doing what people ought to be doing with their own two hands. The government is big enough thank you. It can darn well keep its mits off my locally grown arugula.
Having said all that, I'm generally in favor of smaller landfills, cleaner air and water, healthier soil, fewer endangered species, and fair trade coffee. I'm just think I'm in it for different reasons. As such, I don't feel comfortable calling myself an environmentalist. Allen has suggested "conservationist." I wonder if maybe I'm not something like an environmental humanist -by which I mean someone who's environmental concerns and goals are driven by human needs rather than any particular regard for the earth as a thing apart. To further illustrate, I like clean air because I breathe air. I'm in favor of fewer and smaller landfills because they are unsightly and smelly things to have in one's backyard. Healthy soil grows nutritious plants that keep me living longer and feeling better. Good environmental practices are often good for people, and I don't think that should be accidental. I think it's all part of dominion, stewardship, and making this earth into a beautiful garden to welcome Christ's return. To that end I hope to see urban gardens, backyard swings, vast sweeps of virgin timber, and steel high rises all intermingled to the glory of God and the service of His people.
To go back to what I said about government incentives, there's a sense in which I understand that this is the government with which we're dealing. Incentives are a fact of life. Use them. Haggle for them. Deal. Go ahead and point out that government subsidies go to bloated corporations, hurt farmers, contribute to national obesity, or whatever it is they do, but don't forget that subsidies are bad business no matter who gets them. It's not like Jones Valley Urban Farms getting subsidies = good and Conagra getting subsidies = bad. They still skew the marketplace and take money out of potential investor's (and consumer's) hands. So yes, we have to deal with government incentives and subsidies, but don't expect me to get all happy clappy when I hear that Congress has passed a bill to subsidize organic peanuts in Mississippi. As for my thoughts on social programs see the above. I love them when people come together and buy a plot of ground together to create a neighborhood garden. I don't love it when the government comes in and starts doing what people ought to be doing with their own two hands. The government is big enough thank you. It can darn well keep its mits off my locally grown arugula.
Having said all that, I'm generally in favor of smaller landfills, cleaner air and water, healthier soil, fewer endangered species, and fair trade coffee. I'm just think I'm in it for different reasons. As such, I don't feel comfortable calling myself an environmentalist. Allen has suggested "conservationist." I wonder if maybe I'm not something like an environmental humanist -by which I mean someone who's environmental concerns and goals are driven by human needs rather than any particular regard for the earth as a thing apart. To further illustrate, I like clean air because I breathe air. I'm in favor of fewer and smaller landfills because they are unsightly and smelly things to have in one's backyard. Healthy soil grows nutritious plants that keep me living longer and feeling better. Good environmental practices are often good for people, and I don't think that should be accidental. I think it's all part of dominion, stewardship, and making this earth into a beautiful garden to welcome Christ's return. To that end I hope to see urban gardens, backyard swings, vast sweeps of virgin timber, and steel high rises all intermingled to the glory of God and the service of His people.
February 25, 2009
February 21, 2009
not that kind of girl
It's kind of funny. I over on Quietude I noticed Laura posting about her china pattern. Not having a china pattern of my own I immediately went out looked up some just to see what's out there and was again quickly reminded that I'm really more of an urban cottage style girl than I formal tea style kind. (After a conversation with a friend this afternoon I really doubt I'm even very urban minded, but it's a convenient way to label my affection for some of the wares sold by Ikea and Urban Outfitters.) There's some fine china I could tolerate and even a few patterns I could admire but I'm continually being attracted to stone and earthenware dishes. This is my new recent favorite from Pottery Barn called Emma. I really think I'd rather have it than almost any china pattern I've seen.
It's just sort of funny though to read all the comments on Laura's post on how much these women enjoy using "real" china and wondering why people don't register for it anymore. Of course I don't really understand people getting those dishes in odd "organic" shapes. At least, I can understand some people might find them attractive in the same way people find formal platinum banded china attractive, but personally I don't get it. Anyway, seeing as how I don't have room for any more dishes it's all somewhat moot, but wouldn't these make wonderful Sabbath dishes?
It's just sort of funny though to read all the comments on Laura's post on how much these women enjoy using "real" china and wondering why people don't register for it anymore. Of course I don't really understand people getting those dishes in odd "organic" shapes. At least, I can understand some people might find them attractive in the same way people find formal platinum banded china attractive, but personally I don't get it. Anyway, seeing as how I don't have room for any more dishes it's all somewhat moot, but wouldn't these make wonderful Sabbath dishes?
February 16, 2009
Personal application of a sermon
Last night Tom preached on envy, which is honestly probably one of my more significant failings as a Christian. Probably. Allen might say it's leaving the mustard out on the counter all week. Anyway, here's how it works. For people outside my group I think, "wow that is so cool I wish I could do something awesome like start a non-profit/hike the cascades/start a lindy scene/have x cool job/etc. That's more a "be content with where I am today" type issue. When I'm in a group it's a different story. Take lindy hop for instance (since that's sort of my thing). I have struggled tremendously watching various girls in our group develop as dancers because every time they learn a new swivel or break I feel threatened as a dancer. This is nonsense yes? But there it is. I have to very consciously remind myself over and over again that everything they learn is added to the community closet so to speak. We learn from each other, and their progress makes me a better dancer. But the problem is that I'm no longer the "best" dancer. Of course I wasn't anyway because there are always the instructors. However, some dark spot in my psyche was content being the best among the students. However, as the scene has grown other girls have joined who've proved singularly adept at the step, step, triple step. For my better nature that has been a tremendous blessing -people to learn from and with, more styles brought into the dance, a bigger scene, etc. For my sin nature it's been very hard coping with being better without being best. I'm a better dancer by far since other people have started even though my absolute ranking in the area may have fallen (if there even was such a thing.) And this is the nonsensical part of my struggle with envy. Envy would rather be on top even if that means I remain I worse dancer/friend/organizer/etc. The quality of the work doesn't matter so much as remaining the undisputed top dog.
Call me pompous but I really don't think I was meant for envy. I don't mean in the theological sense that humans were made for the garden of Eden either. I mean in the day to day sense. I don't like it. If it's one of my besetting sins it's also the one of which I'm possibly most aware and over which I most grieve. It's also the one in which I was possibly most trained. Who trains a kid in envy you may ask? Possibly my parents. Among us kids there were a couple of mentalities competing. One was a sort of school mentality. Stick together or the sharks will get you. It was five kids trying to understand a mom who was (and probably still is) very likely seriously, clinically depressed. However that was another competing mentality more along the nature of sharks. The line was pretty nigh impossible for anyone to toe, but sometimes someone would give a fairly good impression of it. That meant that all the parental heat was off of her/him and on the rest of you. Enter the sharks. Self-preservation said bring that sibling down before we all die here. I'll give you an example. My mom would (no kidding) ask people "So who do you think has the higher gpa, Natalie or Claire?" You might think this sounds deplorable no matter what the gpa. But let me tell you something -my gpa was three hundredths of a point lower than my sister's and that furthermore I was a junior/senior and she was a freshman/sophomore. See what I mean when I tell you I was trained in envy? My good grades became a foil for my sister's better ones. In the end that's about all the were good for. Growing up it wasn't so much about toeing the line as being closer to it than anyone else. One kid looking good frequently (admittedly not always) made the rest of us look bad.
I know that regardless of what I learned growing up that my sin is still my sin. I can't just look at something my parents inadvertently did and pass that buck back. Wrapped up as it is though in my search for love and approval and my desire to be a "good kid" envy has been a pretty tough one to root out. I don't want to be the bad kid. I don't want to lose approval. I want to be loved and accepted and commended. If that meant stomping on a few fingers....Father hunger is a strong emotion. The interesting thing though, to go back my lindy hop example, is that I'm in no less demand as a dancer now that I was before. I would say the reverse is true. Other people's successes have made me stronger and I believe will continue to make me stronger. I'm not as envious of other people as I was a year or two ago, and I believe I owe that in many ways to my church family because I don't have to scrape and connive to get these people to care for me and to approve. The masks can come down. It's ok to be unsure, faltering, and imperfect. And in that I see the face of God. I don't have to be better than Jennifer, Allen, Scot, Laura, etc because God loves me independent of and without thought for where they are in their walks. It's a very beautiful and very free thing. No more competing. No more being glad when the best dancer/biker/babysitter/etc moves out of town and you get to move up a rank. It's a good place to be whenever I can maintain the altitude.
Call me pompous but I really don't think I was meant for envy. I don't mean in the theological sense that humans were made for the garden of Eden either. I mean in the day to day sense. I don't like it. If it's one of my besetting sins it's also the one of which I'm possibly most aware and over which I most grieve. It's also the one in which I was possibly most trained. Who trains a kid in envy you may ask? Possibly my parents. Among us kids there were a couple of mentalities competing. One was a sort of school mentality. Stick together or the sharks will get you. It was five kids trying to understand a mom who was (and probably still is) very likely seriously, clinically depressed. However that was another competing mentality more along the nature of sharks. The line was pretty nigh impossible for anyone to toe, but sometimes someone would give a fairly good impression of it. That meant that all the parental heat was off of her/him and on the rest of you. Enter the sharks. Self-preservation said bring that sibling down before we all die here. I'll give you an example. My mom would (no kidding) ask people "So who do you think has the higher gpa, Natalie or Claire?" You might think this sounds deplorable no matter what the gpa. But let me tell you something -my gpa was three hundredths of a point lower than my sister's and that furthermore I was a junior/senior and she was a freshman/sophomore. See what I mean when I tell you I was trained in envy? My good grades became a foil for my sister's better ones. In the end that's about all the were good for. Growing up it wasn't so much about toeing the line as being closer to it than anyone else. One kid looking good frequently (admittedly not always) made the rest of us look bad.
I know that regardless of what I learned growing up that my sin is still my sin. I can't just look at something my parents inadvertently did and pass that buck back. Wrapped up as it is though in my search for love and approval and my desire to be a "good kid" envy has been a pretty tough one to root out. I don't want to be the bad kid. I don't want to lose approval. I want to be loved and accepted and commended. If that meant stomping on a few fingers....Father hunger is a strong emotion. The interesting thing though, to go back my lindy hop example, is that I'm in no less demand as a dancer now that I was before. I would say the reverse is true. Other people's successes have made me stronger and I believe will continue to make me stronger. I'm not as envious of other people as I was a year or two ago, and I believe I owe that in many ways to my church family because I don't have to scrape and connive to get these people to care for me and to approve. The masks can come down. It's ok to be unsure, faltering, and imperfect. And in that I see the face of God. I don't have to be better than Jennifer, Allen, Scot, Laura, etc because God loves me independent of and without thought for where they are in their walks. It's a very beautiful and very free thing. No more competing. No more being glad when the best dancer/biker/babysitter/etc moves out of town and you get to move up a rank. It's a good place to be whenever I can maintain the altitude.
February 5, 2009
This explains a few things
Somewhere underneath this conservative, grew up nice-girl, exterior I think there might a crazier girl who would like to go backpacking in grizzly bear country. But since I'm not bat-guano insane I'd go in with a can of bear spray strapped to my hip and a portable gps unit. Anyway, I think this song explain a few things.
Btw, has Dierks Bentley gotten cuter since he first showed up?
Btw, has Dierks Bentley gotten cuter since he first showed up?
January 23, 2009
Peer Pressure
Allen was teasing me about giving into peer pressure because not too long after coming back from our church's women's retreat I pulled out my knitting needles and started working up some of my stash yarn into a wrap. It's fun though, and using stash yarn means I get a thrifty wrap in the bargain. Speaking of thrifty, I found this oh so cute wrap pattern on Ravelry. It's $7.99 for one pattern, but I really love it's simplicity. It's this one pictured. 
I'll probably end up buying the pattern (even though I rarely spend that much on a single pattern of any kind) just so I won't have to try and jury rig it. The yarn though in another matter. 120 dollars the kit costs. As Allen remarked "and that's for something you have to assemble." I used to think of knitting as thrifty. Apparently that's not always the case. Apparently. At any rate it's nice to pick up my needles again.
I'll probably end up buying the pattern (even though I rarely spend that much on a single pattern of any kind) just so I won't have to try and jury rig it. The yarn though in another matter. 120 dollars the kit costs. As Allen remarked "and that's for something you have to assemble." I used to think of knitting as thrifty. Apparently that's not always the case. Apparently. At any rate it's nice to pick up my needles again.
November 5, 2008
faith and new things
So last night I was feeling a little bit sick to my stomach about the thought of Obamessiah actually being president. McCain may not have been my choice, but I was at least familiar with the brand of large gov, war hawk, hands across the isle conservatism he offered. Obama.....is an unknown quantity. Potentially less war. More abortion. More paranoia about gun owning families. More bad economics. However, at least he can't say he's doing this as a Bible-thumping conservative, and maybe this will wake up a few of those Bible thumping conservatives who like to view voting as a sacred duty and would sooner miss taking the sacraments than missing an election. Anyway, scooting over to femina to see if I could find a dose of post-election sanity I found several women -none of them hysterical- saying "now this is going to be interesting to watch." It reminded me of that passage from Habbakuk where the Lord says, "Behold I am doing a new thing," and as Christians I am supposing that an appropriate response to that would be, "Praise the Lord." I'm still not happy about the elections, but I think I have a little more perspective now.
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