September 15, 2010

not thinking things through

I keep feeling the need to write, to think, and to be be introspective about this whirlwind we call life. Well, I call it a whirlwind, but sometimes it seems more like one of those hills you see around here - all smooth and grass-covered. Lovely to look at on a drive up 280 but pretty boring after you've been sitting on one for a couple of hours. I look at all the tree a few times, count the ants running around a log, and decide to keep hiking 'cause I've already taken a nap and am getting pretty antsy myself. Extended descriptions aside, whether life is currently a maddening torrent or a particularly boring stretch of lazy river I like to think about what I'm doing. Lately though most of my thoughts have run more like this:

You know I really feel like I could say something about (marriage, dating, the academic elite, women in society, Dorothy Sayers, etc), but [sitting down to write a blog post] here's this implication and that implication. I really don't know enough to be writing about this.

Then I go check my e-mail again and never put in the work to sort out my thoughts on (virtual) paper. In the end I suppose that's another form of laziness. I want to have a considered life, but I don't want to put in the effort. When I do feel like putting in the effort I'm often off doing something else. So that's why I haven't been writing anything very much to the point. Also, I'm tired. My sleep cycles are completely out of whack right now, and no amount of supplements can compensate for that. Hopefully this is just another temporary dip in the search for a healthy equilibrium, but until then I'm just having to ride it out.

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