Sick and tired....

...and just about as happy and satisfied as a girl can be. Allen and I went dancing tonight with the gang at Just Gotta Swing. I kick step, rock step, triple stepped myself just about sick with the exertion and heat, and then I charlestoned on some more until my feet got too heavy to move. When we left I was tired, literally covered in sweat from head to toe, and feeling like someone had punched me in the gut I had danced so hard. Of course part of my sore tummy could have been me trying to digest an apple while I bounced around to the sound of "fried green tomatoes." Note to self: eat earlier before going to dance. But gosh I had fun. Allen and I learned another charleston variation. He gets better as a dancer all the time. I got to dance some with Jered -our local lindy hop guru. I tend to be a pretty uptight person about some things. I want to know the rules and follow the rules 'cause doing that means being a good girl, and being a good girl is safe. Lindy though. If you get too uptight about the rules you sort of miss all the fun parts. As anyone will tell you about dances like lindy and swing, messing up confidently and with flair is all part of the dance 'cause nine times out of ten if you screw up boldly it will just end up looking cool. On the other hand if you do everything perfectly but have the heart of a wee cowering mouse you'll look horrible no matter how well you dance. In a way that's good training for me. So many times I followed the rules (or tried to) just so I could be a good girl and not get yelled at. Guess what. I got yelled at anyway. I still tried to follow the rules though because rules are good. They separate the good from the not good, and I really, really wanted to be good. Not good was scary. Now I still think rules are in general good to have. I'm no anarchist. But I'm thinking more about the rules. It's in the little stuff like not apologizing profusely and pathetically for forgetting to take the steak out of the freezer to thaw for supper because me being a good girl doesn't hang on a piece of steak anyway. It's also in the little stuff like letting my hair down and dancing without obsessing so much about whether or not I get the steps right. It's about being just a little more confident as a person who can do things and be things without constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm appeasing the ghostly Powers That Be which still tend to haunt my life. It's about being Natalie.