September 11, 2007


This is the third time I've written this today in one form or another. I'm not pregnant. Or rather, I'm not pregnant anymore. We finally figured out that for the past year I've been having a series of miscarriages one after the other. Some of my pregnancies seemed to have lasted as long as 2-3 months before...well I'm getting tired of writing that word. I'm really mostly ok with everything, but I'm getting a little tired of talking/writing about it. We figured out this past month that I likely lost and conceived in January, but it's only been this week that we figured out to what extent this has really been happening. Needless to say things have been confusing. I'm still getting used to the fact that those funny feelings in my tummy really are just gas/muscle spasms/etc and have nothing to do with pregnancy. Because things have been insane all along I'm really not crushed or stunned by this resolution to things, but I am still in the process of wrapping my head around everything. I really appreciate everyone who has supported me through all this even when you thought I was absolutely wrong and possibly a little crazy. Right now I'm going to be working on getting my body back into shape and cleaning out whatever problem that was fouling up the works to begin with and really just getting my life back to normal. Thanks everyone for sticking in there with me.

P.S. A friend I've been chatting with mentioned that this post sounds kind of numb and wanted to know if I'm really ok. Really I've just had to repeat this a lot today, and it's tiring. I'm honestly doing ok. It's been a relief to have some answers sad though they are.


Bobbie-Jo said...

Blessings to you, my friend.

Lauren Christine said...

Awww, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. May God be your comfort and your peace in this rough time. I know the pain of "not being pregnant".

Corin said...

Praying for the Lord to give you peace through this, and to guide you towards what needs to be done to help your health!

Trina said...

natalie - I am so sorry, but so glad you have found out what's going on! My mom had a similar experience when she was first married - she didn't find out till years later that she had had a miscarriage. I pray the Lord will give you peace and wisdom, and bless the fruit of your womb!!!

Serena said...

Oh, Natalie~ Love to you! God be with you and your husband.

Amy said...

I'm sorry, but so glad you're doing okay!

Dena said...

I've missed seeing you on the S&S boards and decided to check out your blog when I saw this post...I am so sorry to hear about your husband and I have walked down that path several times. I just wanted you to know I am praying for you, shedding a few tears as well.

This prayer helped me so much after our last miscarriage...hopefully it will in somehow comfort you as well.


My Lord, the baby is dead!

Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?

“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.

You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”

I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity. -- Mother M. Angelica