I know that one day my story will flesh out and I will see this, as we all will see the pain and hurt and realize the good. Until then, I am working on how to live my day to day life. How to trust and hope. How to help my friends trust and hope as well. I am not the only one with crap going on, and I see it in my community and it breaks my heart. How do we all do it? My stuff seems like too much to carry...how can I help you carry yours? How do I speak the Truth to you when I am not sure that I even believe it? Tell you to hope when mine feels dried out? It is hard and it is broken. In the end I guess I just need to pray for God to help my unbelief. Help me hope, help me pray. Help me care for those in my life. Help me. I am utterly incapable
This is the comment I left:
Ouch. Yes. How can I go minister to you when my own home isn't in order? How can I help others when I can't even help myself? When I neglect the people closest to me? When I reach out am I running from my own problems and responsibilites- running from my own pain instead of running towards yours? Using your helplessness as an excuse to ignore my own? How can I even presume to minister to you knowing that my best words and actions can shred you utterly? How can we bear to be human?
We sing songs together at church, hug, and even chat. But how do we get to heart of each other's hearts? For me that's a very real question as I've never had the knack of making friends easily. I want to dig into the life of my church and to laugh with those who rejoice and weep with those who mourn, but I still don't know how. I suppose that's just another example of my own helplessness.